Small Group Workbook: The Created Order of Your Life

Session Overview and Goals

This session introduces the foundational framework that underlies all of Dr. Cloud's teaching on growth, relationships, and character. Understanding the "created order" gives you a lens for diagnosing why things aren't working and a map for moving toward health.

By the end of this session, participants will:

1. Understand the six principles of how God designed life to work
2. Identify which principles they most struggle to live by
3. Recognize patterns where they've been trying to play God's role instead of their own
4. Leave with one specific area to work on this week

Session length: 60–90 minutes

Teaching Summary

The Created Order: How Life Is Designed to Work

Just as there are laws of physics that govern how the physical world operates, there are principles built into how life works. Dr. Cloud calls this the "created order" — the way God designed life to function. When we understand these principles and align with them, things work better. When we violate them — often without realizing it — we get stuck.

Here's the key insight: each principle involves both God's role and your role. Problems arise when we try to play God's role, or when we expect God to do what He's designed us to do.

Principle 1: God Is the Source — We Depend on Him

Everything we need comes from outside ourselves. We can't create life, wisdom, or love from nothing. We receive it. The self-help message that "the answer is within" sounds empowering, but it's not actually true. Every loving person became loving because they were first loved by someone else. Every wise person received wisdom from others.

God's role: Provide life, wisdom, strength, healing Our role: Depend on Him and ask for what we need

People who try to do life entirely on their own — without depending on God or receiving from others — end up depleted. This is why recovery programs start with acknowledging a higher power. That's when change begins.

Principle 2: Relationship Is Primary

God said it's not good for man to be alone, and He meant it comprehensively. Whether you're trying to grow, heal, find meaning, or solve problems, you need connection. Teams outperform individuals. Meaningful work involves serving others. Recovery happens in community.

God's role: Provide relationship with Him and through others Our role: Get connected; give and receive in community

Before tackling your problems, get plugged in. Find your support system. Everything else builds from that foundation.

Principle 3: God Provides Resources — We Use Them

God created trees full of fruit and told Adam and Eve to enjoy them. He gives us talents, skills, and opportunities. But He expects us to do something with them.

God's role: Provide resources, talents, abilities Our role: Take them and use them; be fruitful

"Let go and let God" can become an excuse for passivity. Yes, God provides — but He hands a lot back to us. Work out your salvation, Paul says. It's a partnership. The parent provides the clothes, but the kid still has to learn to dress themselves and clean their room.

Principle 4: God Makes the Rules — We Obey Them

God designed life to work a certain way, and He told us what that looks like. You can trace almost any problem back to somewhere these principles were violated — by you or by someone else. Parents are supposed to care for their children; when they don't, damage happens. People are supposed to be honest; when they lie, trust breaks.

God's role: Establish the principles that make life work Our role: Learn them and align our lives with them

This isn't legalism — it's wisdom. Jesus summed it up: treat others as you would want to be treated. When we make up our own rules and decide which principles apply to us, we set ourselves up for problems.

Principle 5: God Is the Judge — We Experience Life

Think about the Olympics. There are judges, and there are athletes. What happens when an athlete starts judging themselves mid-performance? They lose their flow. Their attention splits. Performance drops.

God's role: Judge Our role: Live, experience, be present

This applies to everything. When you're constantly evaluating yourself — "How am I doing? Was that okay? Did I mess up?" — you can't be fully present. When you judge others instead of knowing them, intimacy dies. The best performers in every field describe "flow" — losing themselves in the experience rather than grading it.

This is what mindfulness practices recover: the ability to be present without judgment. Therapy creates a non-judgmental space where you can finally experience your feelings instead of repressing them. Stop being the judge. Get back in the game.

Principle 6: God Is in Control — We Surrender and Gain Self-Control

God runs the universe. We don't. When we try to control things outside our control — other people's choices, outcomes, circumstances — we become anxious and exhausting to be around. And ironically, the more we try to control externally, the less control we have over ourselves.

God's role: Control Our role: Surrender what isn't ours; develop self-control

Addicts are a perfect example. They're out of control of themselves while desperately trying to control everyone around them. Recovery begins when they surrender — the serenity prayer: accept what you can't change, change what you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference.

When you stop trying to control what isn't yours, you gain the only control you were designed to have: control of yourself.

Discussion Questions

[Facilitator: Start with lighter questions to help the group warm up, then move to deeper reflection.]

1. Which of the six principles was newest or most surprising to you? What stood out?

2. When you hear "depend on God," what's your honest reaction? Does it feel freeing, uncomfortable, or something else?

3. Describe your current "support system." Who do you turn to when things get hard? Is that list as strong as you'd like it to be? [Allow participants to be honest if their list is short or nonexistent — that's valuable information.]

4. What talents or resources has God given you that you're not fully using? What's been holding you back?

5. Where in your life are you most likely to "make your own rules"? We all have areas where we justify exceptions for ourselves. What's yours?

6. How often do you catch yourself judging your own performance? What does that inner commentary sound like? [This can bring up vulnerability. Give space for honesty without requiring it.]

7. Think about a relationship where you've been more of a "judge" than a curious learner. What would it look like to approach that person with more interest and less evaluation?

8. What's something you've been trying to control that isn't actually yours to control? A person? An outcome? How's that going? [Allow some humor here — most people can relate to the futility of control.]

9. Which of the six principles represents your biggest growth edge right now? Where do you most consistently reverse God's role and your role?

10. What would change in your daily life if you took one of these principles more seriously? Be specific.

Personal Reflection Exercises

Exercise 1: Role Reversal Audit

For each principle, honestly assess: Am I trying to play God's role, or am I playing my role?

Write a sentence or two in the last column for each one.

Exercise 2: The Self-Judgment Inventory

Rate each statement 1–5 (1 = rarely, 5 = constantly):

• I evaluate my performance while I'm in the middle of doing something: ___
• After conversations, I replay them and grade how I did: ___
• I criticize myself with phrases like "That was stupid" or "What's wrong with me?": ___
• I compare myself to others and feel like I come up short: ___
• I have trouble being present because I'm thinking about how things are going: ___

Total: ___

If you scored 15 or above, the principle of "experience over judgment" may be especially important for you. What would it look like to give yourself more grace?

Exercise 3: What Am I Trying to Control?

List 3 things you've been trying to control that aren't actually in your control:

Now, for each one: What is the one thing I actually CAN control in this situation?

Real-Life Scenarios

Scenario 1: The Self-Sufficient Helper

Maria is known as the person everyone goes to for help. She's always there for others — listening, advising, serving. But lately she's been exhausted and resentful. When friends ask how she's doing, she says "Fine!" and changes the subject. She doesn't like to burden people with her problems. Last week she broke down crying alone in her car and couldn't figure out why.

Discussion prompts:

• Which created order principles is Maria violating?
• What's the likely cost of continuing this pattern?
• What would "getting plugged in" actually look like for someone like Maria?

Scenario 2: The Waiting Entrepreneur

James has had a business idea for three years. He's prayed about it, read books, and talked about it with friends. He's waiting for a clear sign from God that it's the right time to move forward. Meanwhile, he stays in a job that doesn't use his gifts, telling himself that God's timing is perfect. His wife has started to wonder if he's waiting for God or hiding from risk.

Discussion prompts:

• What principle is James potentially misunderstanding?
• What's the difference between waiting on God and avoiding responsibility?
• What would "using his resources" look like, even without certainty?

Scenario 3: The Anxious Parent

David can't stop worrying about his adult daughter's choices. She's making decisions he disagrees with, and he finds himself constantly suggesting, hinting, and sometimes outright telling her what to do. When she pulls away, he tries harder to influence her. He lies awake at night running scenarios in his head. His wife says he's "obsessed," and he knows she's probably right, but he can't seem to stop.

Discussion prompts:

• What is David trying to control that isn't his to control?
• What might he actually be able to control in this situation?
• How might surrender change his experience — even if his daughter's choices don't change?

Practice Assignments

Choose one of these experiments for the coming week:

Option A: Morning Dependence Practice

Each morning for one week, identify 2–3 specific situations where you'll need help that day. Name them to God and ask for what you need. At the end of each day, briefly note what you received. At the end of the week, reflect: How did starting from dependence change your experience?

Option B: The Judgment Fast

For three days, pay attention to how often you judge yourself or others. Each time you catch yourself evaluating, grading, or criticizing, simply notice it without adding more judgment ("There I go again, judging — I'm so bad at this"). Just notice, let it go, and return to experiencing the moment. At the end of the three days, write a few sentences about what you observed.

Option C: Surrender Inventory

Identify one thing you've been trying to control that isn't yours. Write it down. Then ask: "What would I do differently if I truly surrendered this?" Try living that way for one week, even as an experiment. Journal about what changes — in your anxiety, your relationships, your focus.

Closing Reflection

The created order isn't a test to pass or a standard to measure yourself against. It's a description of how life works — a map for finding your way when things feel confusing or stuck.

You're not being graded on this. That's the whole point of principle five.

The question isn't "Am I doing this perfectly?" The question is: "Where am I out of alignment, and what's one step I could take this week?"

You don't have to figure this out alone. That's the whole point of principle two.

Closing moment: Take 30 seconds of silence. Ask God to show you the one thing from this session He wants you to hold onto this week. Then, if you're comfortable, share one word or phrase with the group.

[Facilitator: Allow silence. Don't rush. Then invite brief sharing — no one is required to speak.]