How to Find a Therapist

Group Workbook

Session Overview

This session normalizes the idea of seeking professional help and equips people to make informed decisions about finding a therapist. A good outcome looks like this: people leave feeling less shame about needing help, clearer about what to look for, and more confident about taking the next step — whether that's making a call, asking for a referral, or evaluating whether their current therapy is actually working.

Before You Begin

For the facilitator:

This topic carries more stigma than most. Some people in your group may already be in therapy and have never mentioned it. Others may have been told — by family, by culture, by their faith community — that needing professional help means their faith isn't strong enough. Create a space where both experiences are welcome.

Ground rules for this session:

• No one is required to share whether they've been in therapy or are considering it
• What's shared in this room stays in this room
• This session is informational and normalizing — it's not a group therapy session and no one is being diagnosed
• There are no dumb questions about the therapy process

Facilitator note: The biggest dynamic to watch for in this session is shame disguised as theology. Statements like "I just need to pray harder" or "God should be enough" often carry deep pain underneath. Don't argue with the theology — honor the person and gently offer a broader frame. Dr. Cloud's point is clear: we don't tell someone with diabetes to pray harder. The brain is an organ, just like the pancreas.

Opening Question

What messages have you received — from family, culture, or community — about seeking professional help, and how have those messages shaped what you do when you're struggling?

Facilitator tip: Don't rush to fill the silence after asking this. Give people 30-60 seconds. Some may need to think about messages they've never named before. If the group is hesitant, you might share briefly about a message you received — positive or negative — to break the ice.

Core Teaching

Everyone Needs Therapy — The Question Is What Kind

The word "therapy" comes from roots meaning healing and ministering. In that sense, we all need therapy — we all need healing from the ways life has marked us.

Sometimes that healing comes through informal channels: good friendships, mentoring relationships, supportive communities. These are real and valuable forms of therapeutic connection.

But sometimes what we're facing requires more than informal support can provide. Dr. Cloud puts it simply: "If your name's not Jesus, then you came through this human race" with genetic predispositions, environmental influences, and experiences that either equipped you well or didn't. When the demands of life create symptoms that your current resources can't address, it's time for someone with specialized knowledge.

Dr. Cloud describes three areas where professional help can make a difference:

• Clinical: Depression, anxiety, trauma, intrusive thoughts, addictive patterns, chronic emptiness
• Relational: Broken relationship patterns, difficulty with trust or intimacy, "people picker" problems, codependency
• Performance: Feeling stuck, fear of failure or success, chronic procrastination, inability to identify your gifts

Scenario for Discussion

Maria has been in a small group for two years. She's shared about her anxiety and the group has been supportive — praying for her, checking in, sending encouraging texts. But her anxiety is getting worse, not better. She wakes up at 3am most nights. She's snapping at her kids. She knows the group cares, but she's starting to feel like she's burdening them with something they can't fix. One night after group, someone quietly says, "Have you thought about seeing someone?" Maria feels a wave of shame — like she's failed at something the group was supposed to solve.

Discussion: What do you think Maria is feeling? What messages might be behind her shame? What would you want to say to her?

You Are a Consumer

One of the most empowering things Dr. Cloud teaches is that when you see a therapist, you're a consumer paying for a professional service. You have the right to:

• Interview therapists before committing
• Ask about their experience, approach, and track record
• Evaluate whether it's working — and say so if it isn't
• Seek a second opinion or switch therapists

A good therapist welcomes all of this. If a therapist gets defensive when you ask questions or evaluate progress, that's a red flag.

Scenario for Discussion

Jake has been seeing a therapist for eight months. She's nice, the sessions are comfortable, and he looks forward to going. But when his wife asks what's changing, he can't really answer. He realizes he's been telling the therapist what she wants to hear — presenting a cleaned-up version of his life. When he thinks about being fully honest, he feels anxious. He's not sure if the problem is the therapist or himself.

Discussion: What might be going on with Jake? What would you advise him to do? Have you ever found yourself performing for someone who was supposed to be helping you?

The Referral Question and the Faith Question

The best way to find a therapist is through someone who makes lots of referrals and gets feedback over time — a doctor, a pastor, an attorney who deals with family situations. These people have already vetted therapists for you.

As for the question "Should I only see a Christian therapist?" — Dr. Cloud's answer is nuanced. It's ideal when a therapist resonates with your faith. But competence matters more than shared belief. A skilled therapist who respects your values and works within them can be deeply effective. As Dr. Cloud puts it: many great therapists are "Christian therapists — they just don't know it," because they operate by principles of grace, truth, connection, and time.

Scenario for Discussion

Devon's pastor recommended a Christian counselor. Devon called and discovered the counselor mostly does general talk therapy and doesn't have specific experience with trauma — which is Devon's issue. Meanwhile, a coworker recommended a therapist who isn't a person of faith but is one of the best trauma specialists in the area and has been trained in EMDR. Devon feels torn.

Discussion: How would you advise Devon? What should carry more weight — shared faith or relevant expertise? What matters most in this decision?

Discussion Questions

Facilitator note: You won't get through all of these — choose 3-4 based on your group's energy and depth. Start with an accessible question and go deeper.

1. When you hear the word "therapy," what's the first thing that comes to mind? Is it positive, negative, or neutral — and where did that association come from?

2. Dr. Cloud says that good therapy operates by three ingredients: grace (something added from outside), truth (honest assessment of reality), and time (sustained engagement). Where else in your life have you experienced those three things working together?

3. Have you ever stayed in a situation — therapy, a friendship, a group, a job — that wasn't working because you felt obligated to stay? What kept you there?

4. What would change in your life if you truly believed that seeking help is an act of wisdom, not a sign of weakness? Would you do anything differently?

5. If someone you cared about told you they were considering therapy, what would you say to them? Now — would you say that same thing to yourself?

Personal Reflection (5 minutes)

Take five minutes to write your answers to these two questions. Be honest — no one will read this unless you choose to share.

1. Where am I right now? Am I dealing with something — clinically, relationally, or in my performance — that my current resources aren't helping with?

2. What's my next step? Is it making a call? Asking for a referral? Having an honest conversation with a therapist I'm already seeing? Or is it simply admitting that I need something I don't currently have?

Facilitator note: Protect this time. Don't let the group skip it or talk through it. Silent writing creates different insights than discussion. Some people will have clarity for the first time about what they actually need.

Closing

One takeaway: What's one thing from today that shifted how you think about professional help?

One thing to try: This week, ask one person you trust — a doctor, a pastor, a friend who's been through therapy — for the name of a good therapist. You don't have to call. Just get the name.

One request: Is there anything from today's conversation that you'd like support with? (Optional sharing.)

Facilitator note: Some people may disclose for the first time that they're struggling or considering therapy. Receive that with warmth and without pressure. The most helpful thing you can do is follow up privately within the next few days — not with advice, but with a specific name and phone number if you have one. "I know someone good. Here's their number." That referral may be the most important thing you do for them.