How to Find a Therapist

Exercises & Practices

Is This Me?

These aren't a test. Just notice your internal response.

• I've been thinking about seeing someone but keep putting it off — waiting until I'm "bad enough" to justify it.
• I've told myself I should be able to handle this on my own — with more prayer, more effort, more willpower.
• I've tried therapy before and it didn't help, so I've written off the whole idea.
• I'm in therapy now but I'm not sure it's working — and I don't feel like I'm allowed to say that.
• I have people who care about me, but what I'm dealing with is beyond what they know how to help with.
• I keep cycling through the same patterns — in relationships, at work, or in how I feel — and nothing I've tried has broken the cycle.
• I know I need help but the logistics overwhelm me — I don't know where to start, who to call, or what to ask.
• I've been managing a level of pain or dysfunction that I've just accepted as normal — but it isn't normal.

Questions Worth Sitting With

These don't have quick answers. Sit with them.

• What have you been hoping would work instead of therapy? More prayer? More willpower? More time? More support from friends? How has that been going — honestly?

• If you believe that needing professional help means your faith isn't strong enough, where did that belief come from? Is it something God actually says — or something you absorbed from culture? We don't tell people with diabetes to pray harder. Why do we treat emotional and relational pain differently?

• What would it mean to treat your mental and emotional health with the same seriousness you'd give a physical condition that wasn't getting better on its own?

• If you've tried therapy before and it didn't work, what actually happened? Did the therapist have deep experience with your specific issue? Were you fully honest — or did you find yourself saying what you thought they wanted to hear? Was the approach a good match, or did you try one person and conclude that "therapy doesn't work"?

• If you're currently in therapy and something feels off — you're not making progress, you feel unheard, or you're editing yourself to keep the therapist comfortable — do you believe you're allowed to say that out loud? You're a consumer paying for a service that affects your life. A good therapist welcomes honest evaluation.

• What would your life look like in a year if you found the right help and did the work? What would be different in your relationships? In how you feel? In what you're able to do?

• What are you most afraid of when you think about being truly honest with a professional? What might it cost you? What might it give you?

Growth Practices

Pick one. Try it this week. Notice what happens.

Week 1: Name It Write down — on paper, not just in your head — what you're struggling with. Be specific. Is it clinical (anxiety, depression, trauma, intrusive thoughts)? Relational (marriage, family, trust, isolation)? Performance-related (stuck, purposeless, unable to finish things)? Don't diagnose yourself — just name what's happening in your daily life. This is the first step to finding the right kind of help.

Week 2: Ask Identify two people who regularly refer others to therapists — a doctor, a pastor, a friend who's been through good therapy, an attorney who works with families. Ask them specifically: "Who have you sent people to that you've gotten good feedback about?" Write down the names and numbers you get. You don't have to call yet — just gather.

Week 3: Vet Pick one name from your list and do your homework. Look up their license through your state's licensing board. Read their website. Note their experience with your issue, their modality, and their credentials. If what you see looks promising, schedule a consultation call. Prepare three questions: What's your experience with this issue? What approach do you use? What can I expect?

Week 4: Evaluate After your consultation, ask yourself: Did I feel heard and respected? Do they have relevant expertise? Were they open to my questions? Can I imagine being honest with this person? If yes, schedule a first session. If not, try another name. A poor match doesn't mean therapy doesn't work — it means you haven't found your person yet.

Scenario Cards

Scenario 1: The Long Overdue Call You've been telling yourself for two years that you should probably talk to someone. Your anxiety has gotten worse, your marriage is strained, and you're not sleeping well. Your spouse suggested therapy last month and you said you'd think about it. You haven't done anything. A friend mentions their therapist helped them a lot and offers to give you the number.

What do you do? What's the voice in your head saying right now? What would it take to actually make the call?

Scenario 2: The Wrong Fit You've been seeing a therapist for six months. She's kind and you like her, but you're not sure anything has changed. You find yourself preparing for sessions — thinking about what to say, how to present things, editing the messy parts. Last week she said something that felt dismissive and you didn't push back. You're starting to dread going but feel guilty about quitting.

What would it look like to have an honest conversation with your therapist about this? What's the worst that could happen? What's holding you back from saying "this isn't working"?

Scenario 3: The Faith Question Your small group leader recommended a Christian counselor. You called, but the counselor's only opening is in three weeks and her specialty doesn't match your issue. Meanwhile, a friend recommended a therapist who isn't a person of faith but has twenty years of experience with exactly what you're dealing with and has an opening this week.

How do you weigh shared faith against relevant expertise? What would Dr. Cloud say? What matters most to you — and is that the same as what would help you most?

Journaling & Reflection

Looking Back

• When did you first sense that you might need help beyond what you currently have? What was happening in your life? What did that realization feel like — and what did you do with it?

• What messages have you received — from family, culture, or community — about seeking professional help? How have those messages shaped your willingness or reluctance to pursue therapy?

• If you've tried therapy before, what was that experience like? What worked? What didn't? What would you want to be different this time?

Looking Inward

• Where in your life have you been tolerating something that isn't healthy — not because you want to, but because you don't know how to change it?

• What would it mean to believe that taking care of your mental and emotional health is an act of stewardship, not failure?

• Write about the difference between shame ("I shouldn't need this") and wisdom ("I'm taking my life seriously"). Which voice is louder right now?

Looking Forward

• Describe the version of yourself who is further along in healing. What does that person do differently? How do they handle stress? How do they show up in relationships?

• Write a letter to yourself one year from now — assuming you found good help and did the work. What do you hope will be different?

• What lies have you believed about needing help? What would be true instead?