The Psychology of Happiness

Exercises & Practices

Is This Me?

These questions aren't a test. Just notice your internal response — what lands, what stings, what you want to skip past.

• Do I have an "I'll be happy when..." sentence running in the background? How many times has the ending changed — graduation, job, relationship, kids, retirement — without the happiness actually arriving?

• When something good happens — the promotion, the house, the milestone — how long does the happiness last before I start wanting the next thing?

• Am I more aware of what I don't have than what I do? If someone asked me to list ten things I'm genuinely grateful for right now, would I struggle past five?

• Do I spend more time looking at other people's lives — on social media, in conversation, in my own head — than examining my own growth?

• Am I giving freely, or giving in? When I say yes to things, is it from genuine generosity — or from pressure, guilt, or the need to be needed?

• If someone close to me — a spouse, a child, a friend — were asked, "Is this person fun to be around?" what would they honestly say?

• Have I been in survival mode so long that I've forgotten to ask whether it's time to start thriving?

• When did I last do something just for fun — not for pay, not for productivity, not for anyone else?

Questions Worth Sitting With

These don't have quick answers. Sit with them.

• Research says only 10% of happiness comes from circumstances. If that's true, what does it mean that I've spent most of my energy trying to change my circumstances?

• What's my set point? If I strip away the temporary bumps — the wins, the purchases, the good days — how happy am I at baseline? Am I okay with that number?

• Are my goals intrinsic or extrinsic? Am I pursuing things because they come from my own heart, or because someone else — a parent, a culture, a social circle — told me those things would make me happy?

• What would I pursue if "I don't know how" stopped being a barrier? If I've ever learned anything — and I have — I've already proven I can learn. What would I go after?

• What's my relationship with gratitude — not as a concept, but as a practice? Where has entitlement been quietly replacing it?

• When did I last play — genuinely, without an agenda, just for the enjoyment of it? What activities make time disappear? If my nine-year-old looked at me and said, "Why are you so serious all the time?" — would they have a point?

• Is there someone I haven't forgiven — and is carrying that grudge costing me more than letting it go would? What would it feel like to set it down?

• If happiness is a fruit — something that grows from how I live, not something I chase — what kind of garden am I cultivating right now?

Growth Practices

Pick one. Try it this week. Notice what happens.

Week 1: Notice Your Happiness Patterns

For one week, keep a simple log. At the end of each day, write down: (1) What bumps did I get today — good or bad? (2) What practices did I actually engage in — giving, connecting, gratitude, play, learning? Don't change anything yet. Just observe. By day seven, you'll start to see where you're investing your energy — in the 10% (circumstances) or the 90% (practices).

Week 2: Build One Practice

Choose the practice that's most missing from your life and do one specific thing this week:

• If it's gratitude: Write down three specific things you're grateful for every morning before you do anything else. Not "my family" — "the conversation I had with my daughter last night."
• If it's giving: Give something significant — time, money, service — not from obligation but from choice. Notice what happens inside you.
• If it's play: Schedule one hour this week for something you do purely for fun. Protect it like a meeting. Show up.
• If it's connection: Reach out to someone you've been meaning to connect with. Not a text. A call. A meal. Something with actual presence.

Week 3: Interrupt a Destructive Pattern

Choose one pattern that's stealing your happiness and deliberately interrupt it:

• If it's comparison: Set a specific limit on social media this week. When you catch yourself comparing, redirect to one thing you're doing well right now.
• If it's "someday" thinking: Identify one thing you've been postponing and do some version of it this week. Not the whole thing. A first step. Stop waiting.
• If it's survival mode: Do one thing this week that's about thriving, not surviving. Something that isn't urgent or necessary — just life-giving.

Week 4: Give Something That Costs You

This week, give beyond your comfort zone. Volunteer somewhere. Give financially in a way that stretches you. Serve someone in a way that takes real time and energy — not a token gesture but something that costs you. After you do it, notice: Did it deplete you or energize you? What does that tell you about how you're wired?

Week 5: The Calling Audit

Spend 30 minutes this week answering these questions in writing: What makes me lose track of time? When do I feel most alive? What would I do even if I weren't paid? What do I want to contribute? Look at your answers. What themes emerge? You may not need to change careers. You may need to see your current work differently — or reconnect to why it matters.

Scenario Cards

Scenario 1: The Achiever Who Can't Rest

David has accomplished everything he set out to do — good career, nice house, financial security. By every external measure, he's successful. But he feels empty. Each achievement produces a brief high, then nothing. He's already thinking about the next promotion, the next purchase, the next milestone. When someone asks if he's happy, he pauses too long before answering.

What do you notice about David's strategy for happiness? What practices might be missing? What would you say to him?

Scenario 2: The Scroll and Compare

Mia spends an hour most evenings scrolling through friends' vacation photos, home renovations, and career announcements. She knows it makes her feel worse — every time she puts the phone down, she feels like her life doesn't measure up. She's thought about deleting the apps but worries she'll miss out or seem disconnected. Meanwhile, she hasn't called her closest friend in three weeks.

What's the real cost of Mia's comparison habit? What would she gain if she redirected that hour? What's one thing she could try this week?

Scenario 3: The Generous Exhaustion

Rachel volunteers at three organizations, leads a small group, and is the person everyone calls when they need help. She says yes to everything. She's exhausted, resentful, and hasn't done anything just for fun in months. When someone suggests she pull back, she says, "But I should be giving — that's what happy people do, right?"

What's the difference between Rachel's giving and the kind of giving that produces happiness? What boundaries might she need? How would you help her see the distinction between giving and giving in?

Journaling & Reflection

Looking Back

• Write about a time you achieved something you wanted and discovered it didn't make you happy. What did you expect? What actually happened? What did you learn about where happiness comes from?

• Think about the happiest season of your life. What practices were present during that time? Connection? Play? Purpose? Gratitude? What was different about how you were living?

Looking Inward

• Look at the thirteen practices of happy people. Which ones are you actually doing — not which do you believe in, but which are part of how you live right now? Where are the real gaps?

• Where has "I'll be happy when..." been running your life? What's the current version of that sentence? What would it mean to stop waiting?

Looking Forward

• If you committed to one happiness practice for the next month, which one would make the biggest difference? What specifically would you do? What would you need to say no to in order to make room for it?

• Imagine your life in a year if you consistently practiced giving, gratitude, connection, play, and purpose. Not perfectly — but consistently. What would be different? What would it feel like to live in that version of your life?