Guard Your Treasures

Leader-Only Facilitation Notes

This document is for group leaders only. It is not intended for distribution to group members.

Purpose of This Resource

This session introduces the foundational concept of "treasures"—the internal possessions of the soul that boundaries are designed to protect. It's a "why boundaries matter" session more than a "how to set boundaries" session.

What This Session Accomplishes:

• Helps participants understand that boundaries aren't arbitrary rules but protection for valuable things
• Provides a concrete framework (the ten treasures) for self-assessment
• Surfaces areas of neglect and violation that participants may not have consciously recognized
• Moves from awareness toward ownership and action

What Success Looks Like:

• Participants leave with honest awareness of 1-2 treasure areas needing attention
• The conversation stays in "ownership" mode rather than "blame" mode
• No one feels shamed for areas of neglect—conviction without condemnation
• Participants commit to one small step of change

Group Dynamics to Watch For

1. Shame Spiraling

What it looks like: A participant realizes they've been neglecting multiple treasures and begins speaking in global, self-condemning terms: "I'm such a failure," "I've wasted my whole life," "I don't know why I can't get anything right."

How to respond:

• Normalize: "Most of us find several areas that need attention. That's the whole point of an audit—to see clearly, not to feel terrible."
• Redirect to specificity: "Let's pick just one area to focus on. Which one feels most important right now?"
• Affirm the courage: "It takes real honesty to look at this. That honesty is actually a sign of health."

2. Blame Shifting

What it looks like: Instead of examining their own stewardship, a participant focuses entirely on how others have damaged their treasures: "My husband does X," "My mother never Y," "My boss constantly Z."

How to respond:

• Validate first: "It sounds like there have been real violations. That's painful."
• Gently redirect to ownership: "And I'm curious—in the midst of that, what do you have control over? What choices are still yours?"
• Use the two-question framework: "So it sounds like the protection question is really relevant for you. And what about the stewardship side—are there ways you might be neglecting this treasure too?"

3. Intellectualizing

What it looks like: A participant engages with the content academically but avoids personal application. They discuss the concepts in abstract terms, refer to "people" or "one" instead of "I," or keep redirecting to how this might help others.

How to respond:

• Direct invitation: "This is really insightful. Can you apply it to yourself? Where do you see this showing up in your own life?"
• Model vulnerability: Share briefly from your own experience to give permission for personal engagement.
• Gentle humor can help: "I appreciate the analysis. Now comes the harder part—the personal audit."

4. Overwhelm at the Ten Items

What it looks like: A participant gets stuck because ten treasures feels like too many to process. They're paralyzed trying to assess all of them at once.

How to respond:

• Focus down: "We're not going to solve everything today. Just pick one or two that jumped out at you."
• Permission to go slow: "This framework is meant to be used over time, not mastered in one session."
• Highlight what's working: "Before we focus on what needs work, which treasure would you rate highest? Let's start there."

5. Over-Disclosure

What it looks like: When discussing violated treasures, a participant begins sharing detailed accounts of trauma, abuse, or painful experiences in ways that are more than the group can safely hold.

How to respond:

• Honor the courage: "Thank you for trusting us with that. It takes courage to share something so personal."
• Create a boundary: "I want to honor what you've shared, and I also want to be careful about how much detail we go into in this setting."
• Follow up privately: "I'd love to talk more with you after the session about this. It sounds like something that deserves more focused attention."

6. The "I've Got This Figured Out" Posture

What it looks like: A participant quickly rates all their treasures highly and doesn't seem to engage with any areas of growth. They may position themselves as already having mastered this content.

How to respond:

• Affirmation with curiosity: "That's great to hear. I'm curious—what's helped you steward these areas so well?"
• Gentle challenge: "Is there any treasure you might rate highly but that someone close to you might rate differently?"
• Watch for defensiveness: This posture sometimes hides areas the person isn't ready to examine.

How to Keep the Group Safe

Do:

• Remind the group that this is about awareness and ownership, not about being perfect
• Celebrate honesty, even when what's shared is uncomfortable
• Keep steering toward what participants can control
• Allow silence after hard questions—don't rush to fill it
• Affirm that seeing the problem is the first step toward change

Don't:

• Push people to share more than they're ready to share
• Let one person's issues dominate the conversation
• Allow advice-giving among group members (keep to shared experience and encouragement)
• Let shame language go unchallenged ("I'm so stupid," "I'll never change")
• Expect participants to solve everything in one session

Remind the group:

"This is an audit, not a final exam. The goal is honest awareness, not perfect scores. And awareness is the first step toward change."

Common Misinterpretations to Correct

Misinterpretation 1: "This is selfish"

What they say: "Shouldn't I be focused on other people? Isn't this self-centered?"

Gentle correction: "Stewardship isn't selfishness. Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself—which assumes you're caring for yourself. If your treasures are depleted, you have nothing to offer. Taking ownership of your soul isn't selfish—it's responsible."

Misinterpretation 2: "I just need to try harder"

What they say: "I guess I need more discipline. I'll just push through."

Gentle correction: "Sometimes the answer is effort. But sometimes the answer is attention—actually seeing what's been neglected rather than white-knuckling through. And sometimes the answer is protection—not trying harder but letting fewer people trample what you're trying to build."

Misinterpretation 3: "My treasures are broken, so boundaries won't help"

What they say: "My feelings are a mess. My thinking is all wrong. What's the point of protecting damaged goods?"

Gentle correction: "Treasures can be restored. But they can't heal if they keep getting damaged. Protection and stewardship work together—you tend to what's broken while also keeping it safe from further harm."

Misinterpretation 4: "I need to cut everyone out"

What they say: "So I should just put up walls and not let anyone in?"

Gentle correction: "Boundaries aren't walls—they're gates. The point isn't to keep everyone out but to decide who gets access. Some people respect your treasures and should be invited in. Others don't, and they need to be kept at more of a distance. This is about discernment, not isolation."

Misinterpretation 5: "I can't change my situation, so why bother?"

What they say: "I have no choice. I'm stuck. This doesn't apply to me."

Gentle correction: "You may not be able to change your circumstances, but you always have choices about your responses—your attitudes, your limits, how you think about it. The goal isn't to have unlimited options but to own the ones you do have."

When to Recommend Outside Support

Signs to Watch For:

• Participant describes symptoms consistent with clinical depression or anxiety (persistent hopelessness, inability to function, sleep issues, etc.)
• Stories of current abuse or unsafe relationships
• Indication that substance use may be involved
• Signs of severe burnout or physical health neglect
• Expressions of hopelessness about the possibility of change
• Past trauma that hasn't been processed with professional support

How to Have the Conversation:

• Normalize seeking help: "What you're describing sounds significant. I wonder if a counselor could help you go deeper with this than our group can."
• Be specific but not diagnostic: "The level of exhaustion you're describing might be worth exploring with a professional who specializes in burnout."
• Offer to help connect: "Would it be helpful if I helped you find some resources for that?"
• Don't abandon: "And I want you to know that you're still welcome here. Seeing a counselor doesn't mean you leave the group—it means you're adding support."

Referral Language Examples:

• "It sounds like there's more going on here than a small group can address. Have you considered talking to a counselor about this?"
• "What you're describing with your spouse sounds concerning. I'd encourage you to talk to someone trained in these dynamics—maybe a therapist or even our pastoral team."
• "I think this treasure has been so damaged that it needs more focused attention than we can give it here. A good therapist could help you rebuild in ways we can't."

Timing and Pacing Guidance

Total Session Time: 75-90 minutes

Where to Expect the Conversation to Get Stuck:

• Discussion question 5 or 6 (about neglected treasures or coping behaviors) — these hit close to home and may slow things down
• The Treasure Audit exercise — some participants may need more time; let them know they can finish at home
• Scenario discussions — groups often want to solve the problem rather than explore it; keep redirecting to "which treasures are affected?" and "what does ownership look like?"

If You're Running Long:

• Skip Scenario 3 and pick just one scenario
• Let participants finish the audit at home
• Prioritize discussion over exercises

If You Have Extra Time:

• Spend more time on the audit—let people share their discoveries
• Do two scenarios instead of one
• Leave more space for the closing reflection

Leader Encouragement

This session touches something deep. Everyone has neglected treasures. Everyone has allowed violations they wish they hadn't. The content can feel convicting, which is good—but it can also tip into shame, which isn't.

Your job isn't to fix anyone. It's not to have perfect answers or to make sure everyone leaves feeling great. Your job is to:

1. Create safety — so people can be honest
2. Point toward ownership — so people feel empowered, not victimized
3. Hold hope — so people leave believing change is possible

The most powerful thing you can do is be honest about your own treasure audit. Where have you neglected? Where have you allowed violation? You don't need to share extensively, but a brief moment of "I've had to learn this too" creates permission for everyone else.

Trust the material. Trust the Spirit. And trust that simply seeing clearly is a powerful first step—even if the doing comes later.

You're doing good work. Thank you for leading.