Getting Unstuck: Leader-Only Facilitation Notes

Purpose of This Resource

This session helps group members honestly face areas where they've been stuck — places where they've been intending to change but haven't. The goal is moving from denial and self-blame toward clear-eyed honesty and practical action.

Success in this session looks like:

• Members naming specific areas where they're stuck without excessive shame
• Recognition that willpower alone hasn't worked (and that's okay)
• Beginning to identify what kind of external support might actually help
• A sense of hope rather than defeat

This is NOT a goal-setting session. The point isn't to leave with a better plan or more motivation. It's to understand why plans and motivation haven't worked — and what might.

Group Dynamics to Watch For

1. Excuse-Making and Deflection

What it looks like: Instead of honest self-assessment, people explain why their situation is different, why they don't have time, why external factors are the real problem.

How to respond: Gently redirect without shaming. "I hear that there are real obstacles. And — if those obstacles were going to go away, they probably would have by now. What would it look like to work with the reality you're in?"

Don't get into debates about whether their excuses are valid. The point isn't whether the obstacles are real — they probably are. The point is whether waiting for them to change is a viable strategy.

2. Shame Spiraling

What it looks like: Someone names their stuck area and then cascades into self-condemnation. "I'm such a failure. I can't believe I've let this go on so long. What's wrong with me?"

How to respond: Interrupt the spiral gently but clearly. "Let me stop you there. The whole point of this conversation is that beating yourself up hasn't worked. You've probably been doing that for a while, right? And you're still stuck. So maybe shame isn't the answer. Can you tell us what you're losing by staying stuck, without telling us how terrible you are?"

3. Advice-Giving and Fixing

What it looks like: When someone shares their stuck area, others immediately jump to solutions. "Have you tried...?" "You should just..."

How to respond: "Hold on — let's resist the urge to fix this right away. What [person] needs first is to be heard, not solved. Let's make sure we understand what they're dealing with before we jump to answers." You can invite problem-solving later, but create space for honest sharing first.

4. Competitive Suffering

What it looks like: One person shares something they're stuck on, and another minimizes it. "At least you don't have to deal with..." Or they one-up with a bigger problem.

How to respond: "We're not here to rank our struggles. Everyone's stuck areas matter. Let's give each person space without comparing."

5. Intellectualizing

What it looks like: Someone can explain the psychology of being stuck perfectly — but never applies it to themselves. They talk about the concepts without ever getting personal.

How to respond: "You clearly understand this well. Where do you see yourself in it? What's something you've been stuck on that you'd be willing to name?"

6. Hopelessness and Defeat

What it looks like: "I've tried everything. Nothing works. This is just who I am."

How to respond: This is different from shame — it's resignation. Validate the exhaustion without agreeing with the conclusion. "It sounds like you're tired of trying. That makes sense. And I wonder if what you've tried so far has been the right kind of help. This session is about finding support that actually fits — not just trying harder with the same approach."

How to Keep the Group Safe

What to Redirect

• Detailed confessions: If someone starts sharing explicit details about addiction, affairs, or other sensitive content, gently interrupt. "I appreciate your honesty. For this group, you don't need to share all the details — we're focused on the patterns and what might help. Is there a counselor or sponsor you can process the specifics with?"

• Blaming others: If someone's entire "stuck" story is about what someone else is doing wrong, redirect to their agency. "It sounds like this other person's behavior is painful. What's the part that's in your control? What's your stuck area within this?"

• Diagnosis and labeling: The group shouldn't diagnose each other. If someone says "You sound like you might have ADHD" or "That's definitely depression," redirect. "We're not here to diagnose — but if you think there might be something more going on, a professional could help you figure that out."

What NOT to Force

• Don't pressure people to share their stuck area aloud. The personal reflection exercises give people a chance to process privately. Some may not be ready to say it out loud. That's okay.

• Don't push for immediate commitments. The session should end with people thinking about what support might help — not signing contracts. Premature commitment often leads to another round of failure.

• Don't force optimism. Some people leave hopeful. Others leave sober. Both are valid responses to honest self-assessment.

Your Role

You are a facilitator, not a therapist.

Your job is to:

• Create a space where honesty is safe
• Keep the conversation focused and productive
• Redirect when things go off track
• Point people toward outside resources when needed

Your job is NOT to:

• Solve anyone's stuck area
• Provide therapy or deep emotional processing
• Make sure everyone leaves "fixed"
• Carry responsibility for their follow-through

Common Misinterpretations to Correct

"The message is that I should give up."

Correction: "The message isn't give up — it's give up doing it alone. There's a big difference between 'I can't do this' and 'I can't do this by myself.' The whole point is finding the help that makes it possible."

"I just need to try harder."

Correction: "If trying harder was going to work, it probably would have worked by now. This isn't about effort — it's about structure. Elite athletes don't train harder without coaches; they train smarter with support."

"Needing accountability means I'm weak."

Correction: "Every person who's accomplished something significant has had support. CEOs have boards. Athletes have coaches. Writers have editors. Needing structure isn't weakness — it's wisdom."

"This is basically saying willpower doesn't matter."

Correction: "Willpower matters — it's just not enough on its own for most of us, especially in areas where we've already been stuck. Willpower gets you to the gym once. Structure keeps you going back."

"I tried a group before and it didn't help."

Correction: "That's important information — it tells us something about what kind of structure you might need. Not all accountability works the same for everyone. What was missing? What would make it different this time?"

When to Recommend Outside Support

Watch for these signs that someone may need more than a small group can provide:

Signs they may need professional help:

• Describing symptoms of depression (hopelessness, loss of interest in everything, can't get out of bed)
• Stuck patterns that involve addiction (substance, pornography, gambling, etc.)
• Mentioning a history of trauma that seems connected to their stuck area
• Expressing thoughts of self-harm or hopelessness about life in general
• Stuck patterns that are affecting their ability to function at work or in relationships

How to have the conversation:

"It sounds like there might be more going on here than what a small group can address. That's not a criticism — it's just recognizing that some things need specialized help. Have you ever talked to a counselor or therapist about this? That could be part of the external structure that helps you get unstuck."

Do NOT:

• Diagnose them
• Insist they must get help
• Make them feel like a problem
• Promise the group will follow up if they don't

DO:

• Normalize professional help
• Offer to help them find resources if they want
• Follow up privately if you're concerned
• Trust them to make their own decision

Timing and Pacing Guidance

Total session time: 75-90 minutes

If time is short, prioritize:

1. Teaching summary
2. Discussion questions #3-5 (the core concepts)
3. Exercise 1 (Honest Audit)
4. Questions #7-8 (toward action)
5. Closing

Where to expect it to get stuck:

• Question 5 (difference between admitting powerlessness and giving up) — This is theologically and emotionally complex. Give it time. People may need to sit in silence.
• Exercise 1 — Some people will resist writing honestly. That's okay. Don't force it.
• The scenarios — People may want to "fix" the scenario characters instead of seeing themselves. Redirect: "Where do you see yourself in this story?"

Leader Encouragement

This is a topic where you don't have to have all the answers — in fact, you shouldn't pretend to.

Most leaders have their own stuck areas. You're not leading because you've figured this out; you're leading because you're willing to create a space where honesty is possible.

If the conversation gets real and a little uncomfortable, that's probably a good sign. Change starts with honesty, and honesty isn't always comfortable.

Your job isn't to make sure everyone leaves with a plan. It's to make sure they leave having told the truth — maybe for the first time — about where they are.

That's enough for one session. Trust the process, and trust that God is at work in the honesty.

You're doing good work. Keep showing up.