Gaslighting

Exercises & Practices

Is This Me?

These questions aren't a test. Just notice your internal response.

• After conversations with a specific person, do you regularly feel confused, disoriented, or unsure of what just happened — like you went in knowing something was wrong but came out wondering if you were the problem?

• Have you started doubting memories you know are accurate — because someone insists they didn't happen that way?

• Do you find yourself rehearsing evidence in your head before bringing up a concern — as if you need to build a legal case just to share how you feel?

• When you try to set a boundary, does the conversation always end up being about what's wrong with you for having the boundary?

• Have you stopped telling friends or family what's really going on — because you're not sure they'd believe you, or because you've already explained it away yourself?

• Do you apologize constantly — even when you're the one who was hurt?

• Does this person respond to your pain with curiosity and care — or with deflection, minimization, and counter-accusations?

• Have you ever been told you're "too sensitive" or "overreacting" so many times that you've started to believe it?

• Do you find yourself making excuses for someone's behavior to others — becoming their PR department?

Questions Worth Sitting With

These don't have quick answers. Sit with them.

• When did you first start questioning your own perception in this relationship? Can you trace it back to a specific moment or pattern?

• If a friend described to you exactly what you're experiencing — word for word — what would you tell them? Would you call it normal?

• Who in your life can you talk to who doesn't have an agenda — someone who can help you test reality without telling you what to think?

• What would happen if you stopped trying to prove your feelings to this person and simply held your ground? "I see it differently. We'll have to agree to disagree."

• Have you confused their ability to sound reasonable with their actually being right? Gaslighters can be very articulate about why your reality is wrong.

• What parts of yourself have you lost in this relationship? Do you recognize the person you've become?

• If "no is a complete sentence," what are you still trying to justify?

• What's the difference between the people who help you see your experience more clearly and the person who tries to talk you out of it?

Growth Practices

Pick one. Try it this week. Notice what happens.

Week 1: Notice the Courtroom. This week, pay attention to the moment you feel yourself entering "court" — the moment a conversation shifts from sharing your experience to defending it. Don't change anything yet. Just notice: How often does it happen? What triggers it? What do you feel in your body when the shift occurs? At the end of each day, write down one observation.

Week 2: Hold One Sentence. Pick one simple, true statement and practice holding it without justifying it. It might be "That hurt," or "I remember it differently," or "I'm not okay with that." Say it once. Don't explain. Don't defend. Don't elaborate. Notice what happens — both in the other person and in you. The goal isn't to change them. It's to practice holding your ground.

Week 3: Reality-Test with a Safe Person. Choose someone you trust — a friend, counselor, or family member who doesn't have an agenda. Describe one specific situation that's been confusing you. Ask them: "Am I seeing this accurately?" Notice what it feels like to have your experience validated by someone who cares about you. Notice what it feels like to say it out loud.

Week 4: Stop Taking the Bait. The next time you feel pulled into proving your feelings — justifying your memory, building a case, collecting evidence just to be allowed to feel what you feel — consciously choose not to enter the courtroom. You can say, "I see it differently," and stop there. You don't have to win. You just have to stop handing your reality to someone who wants to erase it.

Scenario Cards

Scenario 1: The Conversation That Vanished You clearly remember your partner promising last week to handle the insurance renewal. Now the policy has lapsed. When you bring it up, they say: "I never said I'd do that. You always misremember things. You must have dreamed it or something." You're certain the conversation happened — but you feel that familiar wave of doubt.

What would you do? What do you notice about your instinct — do you want to defend your memory, or do you start wondering if they're right?

Scenario 2: The Meeting After the Meeting At work, you raised a concern about a project timeline in a team meeting. Your manager responded dismissively in front of everyone: "That's not a real concern. You're overthinking this like you always do." Later, privately, they said: "I didn't shut you down — I just redirected the conversation. You're being too sensitive about it." You feel both frustrated and unsure whether you're overreacting.

What would you do? How do you evaluate whether this is a pattern or an isolated incident?

Scenario 3: The Rewritten History Your mother has a pattern of rewriting family events. When you bring up a painful memory from childhood, she says: "That never happened. You've always had an overactive imagination." Your sibling confirms the memory is real, but your mother insists you're both wrong. You've started to wonder whether your childhood memories can be trusted.

What would you do? What makes gaslighting from a parent particularly disorienting?

Journaling & Reflection

Looking Back

• When was a time you knew something was true, but someone convinced you to doubt it? What happened? How did that feel?

• Describe the person you were before you started doubting yourself. What were you like? What did you trust about yourself? What would that person say to you now?

• What have you lost to this dynamic? Confidence? Relationships? Time? Your sense of self? Name the cost — not to wallow, but to see it clearly.

Looking Inward

• Are there relationships right now where you regularly feel confused after conversations? Where things don't add up but you can't explain why? What does your gut tell you about those relationships?

• Do you trust your own perceptions? If not, when did that change? Can you trace it back?

• What is one truth you know about yourself or your experience that you're choosing to hold onto — something you won't let anyone talk you out of?

Looking Forward

• What would it look like to stop entering the courtroom? To stop proving your feelings and simply hold them?

• Who could be a reality-tester for you? What would it take to reach out to them this week?

• Write a letter to yourself from the future — from a version of you who has found clarity and trusts their own perceptions again. What does future-you want present-you to know?