The Psychology of Happiness

Small Group Workbook

Session Overview and Goals

This session explores what research reveals about happiness—not just feeling good temporarily, but genuine, lasting flourishing. The surprising finding: happiness is far less about circumstances than we think, and far more about how we live. Happy people do certain things differently and consistently.

By the end of this session, participants will:

1. Understand that happiness comes primarily from practices, not circumstances
2. Know the key life practices research has identified in happy people
3. Assess which practices are strong and which are weak in their own lives
4. Identify specific areas to focus on for growth

Teaching Summary

The Big Discovery of Positive Psychology

For over a century, psychology studied what goes wrong with people. About twenty years ago, researchers began asking a different question: What makes people flourish? What do happy people do differently?

They studied happy people across cultures and income levels and found consistent patterns. But the most surprising finding was this: only about 10% of happiness comes from circumstances.

The house, the job, the relationship, the income—these matter far less than we assume. You get what you wanted, feel great for a while, then settle back to baseline. It's the "new car smell" effect. Circumstances give you bumps, not lasting change.

What determines the baseline? Some is temperament—natural wiring. But a huge portion—40-50%—comes from life practices. Happy people live differently. They do certain things consistently that produce happiness as a fruit.

This is good news. You can't fully control circumstances. You can't easily change temperament. But you can change practices.

From Surviving to Thriving

Many people focus on survival—managing pain, addressing dysfunction, getting above water. That's important work. But there comes a point when the question shifts: "How do I not just survive, but thrive?"

Jesus said he came so we might have "life more abundantly." We're designed for flourishing, not just managing. But thriving doesn't happen automatically. It requires focus and intention—choosing to live in ways that produce happiness.

The Practices of Happy People

Research has identified consistent practices in happy people. Here are the key ones:

1. Happy people are proactive, not passive. They don't wait for happiness to find them. They take responsibility for creating it. "You're responsible for your own fun" applies to adults, too.

2. Happy people are givers. Paradoxically, giving produces more happiness than receiving. Research shows that writing a check to charity activates the same brain pleasure centers as good food. We're wired for generosity.

3. Happy people don't wait for "someday." "I'll be happy when..." is a recipe for perpetual postponement. Happy people live in the present, creating happiness along the journey rather than waiting for the destination.

4. Happy people pursue intrinsic goals. Goals that come from your heart, aligned with your values, produce fulfillment. Goals that come from external pressure or others' expectations leave you empty even when achieved.

5. Happy people are deeply connected. Meaningful, long-term relationships are central to flourishing. Happy people aren't passive—they actively build and nurture community.

6. Happy people don't compare themselves to others. Looking at everyone else and measuring yourself against them produces either envy or complacency. Happy people examine their own work and growth without external comparison.

7. Happy people think well. Positive, proactive thinking opens possibilities. Negative thinking shuts everything down. Happy people see problems as challenges, not proof of their inadequacy.

8. Happy people practice gratitude. The opposite of gratitude is envy—always wanting what you don't have. Happy people actively notice, savor, and express thanks for what they do have.

9. Happy people have boundaries. Without boundaries, you lose autonomy. Others start making your choices. Happy people protect their time, energy, and relational health.

10. Happy people forgive. Holding grudges keeps you chained to the past. Happy people process their hurts, grieve, and eventually release the debt—not for the other person, but for their own freedom.

11. Happy people have a calling. There's a difference between a job and a calling. Happy people connect their work to meaning and purpose larger than themselves.

12. Happy people are learners. Curiosity and continuous growth fuel happiness. Happy people keep developing, taking courses, reading, building new skills.

13. Happy people have hobbies. Activities done just for fun, not for pay or recognition, matter more than we realize. Hobbies are adult play—and play makes us come alive.

Happiness Is a Fruit

The central insight: you can't pursue happiness directly. You pursue the activities that produce it, and happiness comes as a fruit. You cultivate the garden; the fruit grows.

Discussion Questions

1. On a scale of 1-10, how happy would you say you are right now? What's your gut reaction to that number?

2. The research says only 10% of happiness comes from circumstances. Does that match your experience? Where have you thought "I'll be happy when..." and then discovered it didn't last?

3. Look at the list of practices. Which 2-3 are strongest in your life right now? What's made those practices work for you?

[Facilitator note: Start with positives. Let people identify what they're doing well before focusing on gaps.]

4. Which 2-3 practices are weakest or most missing? What's kept you from developing those?

5. The teaching says givers flourish more than takers. How does giving affect you? Where could you give more—time, money, or service?

6. "Happy people don't compare themselves to others." How much time do you spend comparing? What triggers it? What would change if you stopped?

[Facilitator note: Social media often comes up here. Allow space for honest conversation about comparison habits.]

7. Think about your goals. Are they intrinsic (from your heart) or extrinsic (from external pressure or expectations)? How can you tell the difference?

8. The teaching emphasizes "calling"—connecting what you do to meaning and purpose. Do you have a sense of calling? If not, what would help you find one?

9. Which of these practices could you realistically focus on developing in the next month? What would that look like specifically?

10. Happiness is described as a "fruit" of how we live, not a goal we chase directly. How does that change how you think about pursuing happiness?

Personal Reflection Exercises

Exercise 1: Happiness Practice Assessment

Rate yourself 1-5 on each practice (1 = rarely/never, 5 = consistently):

My strongest practices: _________________________________________________

My weakest practices: _________________________________________________

The ONE practice I want to focus on developing: _________________________________________________

Exercise 2: Gratitude Baseline

List 10 things you're genuinely grateful for right now. Don't overthink—just write.

Reflection: How did that feel? How often do you deliberately focus on gratitude?

Exercise 3: Calling Exploration

Answer these questions quickly, from the gut:

What activities make you lose track of time?

When do you feel most alive?

What would you do even if you weren't paid for it?

What do you want to contribute to the world?

If you could solve one problem, what would it be?

Looking at your answers, what themes emerge about your calling?

Real-Life Scenarios

Scenario 1: The Achiever Who Isn't Happy

David has accomplished a lot. Good career, nice house, financial security. By external measures, he's successful. But he feels empty. Each achievement produces a brief high, then nothing. He keeps thinking the next promotion or purchase will satisfy him, but it never does. He's starting to wonder if something's wrong with him.

Discussion questions:

• What does the "10% of happiness comes from circumstances" research suggest about David's situation?
• What practices might be missing in David's life?
• If David were in this group, what would you encourage him to try?

Scenario 2: The Comparison Trap

Mia spends a lot of time on Instagram looking at friends' vacations, homes, and accomplishments. She knows it makes her feel worse, but she can't stop. She constantly measures her life against others and always comes up short. She's thinking about deleting her apps but doesn't want to be "that person" who can't handle social media.

Discussion questions:

• Why does comparison produce such powerful negative effects?
• What practices from the teaching might help Mia?
• What boundaries might she need to set?

Scenario 3: The Someday Postponer

James has been saying "I'll be happy when..." for years. First it was graduating, then getting the job, then getting married, then having kids, now it's "when the kids are older." He realizes he's always postponing happiness to the next milestone. But he doesn't know how to be happy with his current life—there's always something he's waiting for.

Discussion questions:

• What's the danger of the "I'll be happy when..." mindset?
• What does it mean to "live in the present"? Is that realistic?
• How could James shift from waiting for happiness to creating it now?

Practice Assignments

Choose one or both of these experiments to try before the next session:

Experiment 1: One-Week Gratitude Practice

Every morning for one week, write down three things you're grateful for before you do anything else. Make them specific (not "my family" but "the conversation I had with my daughter last night").

At the end of the week, reflect:

• How did this affect my mood and outlook?
• What patterns did I notice in what I'm grateful for?
• Do I want to continue this practice?

Experiment 2: One Act of Giving

This week, give something significant—not a small token, but something that costs you (time, money, or energy). It could be:

• Volunteering somewhere
• Giving financially beyond your comfort zone
• Serving someone in a practical way that takes real time

After you do it, reflect:

• How did giving affect me emotionally?
• Did it cost me—or did it produce something?
• What does this tell me about the giving/happiness connection?

What I committed to: _________________________________________________

Closing Reflection

Read aloud or silently:

Happiness isn't something you chase. It's something that grows from how you live. The research is clear: what determines your happiness isn't primarily what happens to you—it's what you practice.

This is good news. You can't control everything that happens, but you can control how you live. You can choose to give. You can choose gratitude. You can build relationships, find purpose, learn, play, forgive, and set boundaries. These aren't just nice ideas—they're the soil where happiness grows.

Maybe you've been waiting for circumstances to change so you could be happy. Maybe you've been achieving and achieving, hoping the next thing would finally satisfy. Maybe you've been comparing yourself to everyone else and coming up short.

There's another way. It's not about having more or getting more. It's about living differently. One practice at a time. One choice at a time. Cultivating the garden.

The fruit will come.

Optional closing prayer prompt:

God, thank you for designing us for flourishing, not just survival. Help us shift from waiting for happiness to cultivating it. Show us which practices need attention in our lives. Give us courage to try new things—to give more, compare less, forgive, connect, and find purpose. May we experience the abundant life you promised. Amen.