Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Exercises & Practices

Is This Me?

These aren't a test. Just notice your internal response — what lands, what you want to skip over, what makes you uncomfortable.

• I constantly put others' needs before my own — and feel guilty when I try to do anything for myself.
• My internal voice is harsh. When I make a mistake, the first thing I hear is criticism, not compassion.
• I compare myself to others and consistently come up short — even when I know it's not a fair comparison.
• I make promises to myself — to rest, to exercise, to set a boundary — and break them almost immediately.
• I ignore physical or emotional pain until it becomes a crisis.
• I know I need help, but I can't bring myself to ask for it.
• I feel exhausted most of the time, but I don't stop because stopping feels lazy or selfish.
• I'm much kinder to other people than I am to myself.
• I can't remember the last time I did something purely because I needed it — not because someone else needed me to.
• I don't have any regular rhythm of checking in on how I'm actually doing — I just keep going until something breaks.

Questions Worth Sitting With

These don't have quick answers. Sit with them. Let them work on you over days, not minutes.

• If someone you love was living the way you're living — the pace, the self-talk, the neglect of their own needs — what would you tell them? Why is it harder to say that to yourself?

• Where did you learn that your needs don't matter? Who taught you that? And do you still believe them?

• You need love from outside yourself — but nobody is going to carry you there. Where could you go this week to receive what you need? What's stopping you?

• What promises have you made to yourself and broken? What did that do to your trust in yourself?

• What would it look like to be your own friend — not your own critic — while you're growing? What would actually change?

• If you could record the things you say to yourself after a failure and play that recording for someone you love, would you be comfortable with what they heard?

• The healthiest people regularly check in on their own lives — how they're feeling, how their relationships are going, whether they're building what they actually want. When was the last time you did that? What would you find if you looked?

• If you could change one thing about the voice in your head — the one that talks to you after a failure — what would it say instead?

Growth Practices

Pick one. Try it this week. Notice what happens.

Week 1: Notice. This week, pay attention to your internal self-talk — especially after a mistake, a challenge, or a comparison. Don't try to change anything yet. Just notice. Write down what you hear. At the end of three days, look back at your list and ask: Would I say these things to a friend? How often does the critic show up? What triggers it?

Week 2: Replace. Choose one area where your self-talk is consistently harsh. This week, when the critical voice shows up, pause and ask: "What would I say to a friend in this situation?" Then say that to yourself instead. It will feel awkward. It might feel false. That's normal — you're building a new voice, and new voices always feel strange at first. Just notice whether anything shifts.

Week 3: Receive. This week, intentionally take yourself to a place of connection. Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while. Show up to a group you've been avoiding. Schedule time with someone who encourages you. The goal isn't to have a profound conversation — it's to practice taking yourself to where love is available, instead of waiting for it to come to you.

Week 4: Build. Choose one routine you want to establish — something that builds what you actually want in your life. It could be a morning walk, a weekly check-in with a friend, a bedtime ritual, a ten-minute self-assessment every Sunday night. Start small. Do it three times this week. Routines build things — the question is whether yours are building what you want.

Week 5: Keep a promise. Make one specific commitment to yourself this week — and keep it. It can be small: "I will go to bed by 10:30 on Tuesday." "I will take a walk on Wednesday." "I will say no to one thing that drains me." The point isn't the size of the commitment. It's the follow-through. You're building trust with yourself, and trust comes from honesty and action.

Scenario Cards

Scenario 1: The Faithful Volunteer Rachel serves on three committees, leads a weekly group, works full-time, and is the first person everyone calls when they need help. Her doctor just told her that her blood pressure is dangerously high and she needs to reduce stress. But when she thinks about cutting back, all she can hear is: "If I don't do it, who will?" Everything feels essential. She's exhausted but can't imagine saying no.

What do you notice about Rachel's situation? What might be driving her difficulty in cutting back? What would you tell her if she were your friend — and why is that advice harder to take for yourself?

Scenario 2: The Successful Critic Marcus is generally seen as successful — good job, stable family, respected in his community. But inside his head, there's a constant voice telling him he's not enough. When he does something well, he discounts it ("Anyone could have done that"). When he makes a mistake, he replays it for days. He's exhausted from the constant internal battle but doesn't know how to change voices that have been there as long as he can remember.

What would you want Marcus to know? Where do you think those voices came from? What would it actually take for someone like Marcus to develop kinder internal voices?

Scenario 3: The Scroll Spiral Tanya scrolls through social media and sees acquaintances posting about their vacations, their happy marriages, their well-behaved kids, their professional accomplishments. She knows she shouldn't compare, but she ends most scrolling sessions feeling worse about her own life. She keeps coming back anyway. Her husband told her last week she seems more withdrawn than usual, and she snapped at him.

What's really happening when Tanya compares herself to others' posts? What would "real identification versus false comparison" look like in practice for her? What need might the scrolling be trying to meet — and where could she actually get it met?

Journaling & Reflection

Looking Back

• When did you first learn that your needs were less important than others' needs? What message or experience taught you that? How does that message still show up in your life today?

• Think about the critical voice in your head. Describe it. What does it sound like? What does it typically say? Whose voice does it remind you of? Where do you think it learned its lines?

Looking Inward

• If someone were observing how you treat yourself over the course of a typical week — the self-talk, the pace, the neglect — what would they conclude about how you view yourself? Would you treat anyone else that way?

• Write honestly about what you actually need right now — physically, emotionally, relationally. Don't filter for what seems reasonable. Just name the needs. Then ask: which of these have I been ignoring or minimizing?

Looking Forward

• Imagine a younger version of yourself was placed in your care — a child with your same fears, insecurities, and needs. Write about how you would treat them. What would you make sure they got? How would you talk to them after they made a mistake? Now consider: are you treating your current self that way?

• What would it look like if you designed your routines around what you actually want to build — in your health, your relationships, your growth? What's one routine you could start this week?