Growth Mindset: Small Group Workbook

Session Overview and Goals

This session explores how our mindset—the way we think about our abilities, potential, and setbacks—shapes whether we actually grow or stay stuck. Drawing from Dr. Henry Cloud's teaching, we'll examine the difference between a fixed mindset ("I can't; this is just who I am") and a growth mindset ("I can learn; I'm not there yet"). Most importantly, we'll look at how this shows up in our own lives and what it would take to shift.

Session Goals

By the end of this session, participants will:

1. Understand the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset
2. Identify areas of their own life where fixed-mindset thinking has kept them stuck
3. Recognize the tone of their internal dialogue (judge vs. coach)
4. Leave with at least one practical step toward cultivating a growth mindset

Teaching Summary

The Gap

Everyone has a gap between where they are and where they want to be. It might be in your work, your relationships, your health, your spiritual life, or your personal development. You can see where you are today, and you can imagine where you'd like to be. The question is: Will you close that gap?

What determines whether you do has less to do with your talent or intelligence than you might think. It has far more to do with your mindset—how you interpret your abilities, how you respond to difficulty, and what you tell yourself when things don't work.

Fixed vs. Growth Mindset

Research by psychologist Carol Dweck identified two fundamentally different ways people think about their abilities:

A fixed mindset believes abilities are essentially set in stone. You're either smart or you're not. You're either good at relationships or you're not. You're either a leader or you're not. If something doesn't come naturally, it means you weren't meant to do it.

A growth mindset believes abilities can be developed. You may not be good at something today, but you can learn. Your brain isn't fixed—it's capable of change, new learning, and growth throughout your entire life.

This isn't just positive thinking. It's neuroscience. Your brain is designed for updates. New patterns can be installed. Old bugs can be fixed.

How Fixed Mindset Shows Up

When you operate from a fixed mindset:

• You avoid challenges because they might expose your limitations
• You give up when it gets hard because difficulty feels like proof you're not cut out for this
• You interpret effort as inadequacy—if you were really talented, it wouldn't be this hard
• You feel threatened by others' success rather than inspired by it
• You see failure as a verdict on who you are, not as information for what to try next

How Growth Mindset Changes Things

When you operate from a growth mindset:

• You embrace challenges as opportunities to develop
• You persist through obstacles because setbacks are part of learning, not proof of limitation
• You see effort as the path to getting better, not as evidence of deficiency
• You learn from others' success by getting curious: "How did they do that?"
• You see failure as instruction—not a judgment on your worth, but data for your next attempt

The Coach vs. The Judge

One of the most important factors in whether you grow is the tone of your internal dialogue.

When you try something and it doesn't work, what voice do you hear?

The judge says: "See? I told you you couldn't do it. You're an idiot. Why did you even try?"

The coach says: "Okay, that didn't work. What can we learn? What do we adjust? Let's try again."

Same event. Two completely different responses. The judge shuts you down. The coach keeps you moving.

Think of a high jumper who doesn't clear the bar. With a judge mindset, the bar becomes a verdict: "You're not good enough." With a coach mindset, the bar becomes a teacher: "What do you need to learn to get higher? Lift your arm sooner? Roll faster?"

The goal becomes your coach instead of your judge.

The 40% Rule

Here's something remarkable from research on human performance: when your system tells you you've hit your limit, you're often only at about 40% of your actual capacity.

Think about that. When your mind says "I can't do any more," you've likely got 60% left.

This is why good coaches keep pushing: "Give me one more. Give me three more." And people find—surprised—that they had more than they thought.

Don't tell yourself what your limit is. Let reality tell you. Keep going until it actually won't go any further. That's how much room you have.

Success Is a Series of Failures

Anyone who has ever built anything meaningful has tried, failed, adjusted, and tried again—many times.

Success isn't the absence of failure. Success is a bunch of failures, one after another, without losing enthusiasm. The person who succeeds isn't the one who avoids failure. It's the one who doesn't let failure have the final word.

Tiger Woods didn't win his first golf tournament. What if he'd had a fixed mindset and concluded, "I guess I can't play golf"?

Discussion Questions

1. When you hear the phrase "growth mindset," what's your initial reaction? Does it sound hopeful, exhausting, unrealistic, or something else?

2. Where in your life have you been operating with a fixed mindset? Is there an area where you've concluded "I'm just not good at that" or "I'll never be able to do this"?

3. Think about the last time you tried something and failed—or didn't try at all because you were afraid to fail. What was the voice in your head saying? Was it more like a judge or a coach?

4. Why do you think we're so quick to interpret difficulty as proof that we can't do something? Where does that belief come from for you? [Allow some silence here—this often connects to deeper stories.]

5. The teaching mentions that we often feel threatened by others' success rather than inspired by it. When was the last time you felt jealous of someone's success? What would it look like to approach that person with curiosity instead?

6. What's the difference between accepting yourself as you are and believing you can grow? How do grace and growth work together?

7. The 40% rule suggests that when we feel like we've hit our limit, we're often only 40% of the way to our real capacity. Where in your life might you be stopping too soon?

8. What would change if you started adding "yet" to some of your "I can't" statements? What's one thing you'd approach differently?

9. If you thought of your goals as coaches instead of judges, how would that change how you respond to setbacks?

10. Who in your life could you ask for help or learn from—if you were willing to admit you don't have it figured out? [This can surface pride and vulnerability. Give space.]

Personal Reflection Exercises

Exercise 1: Fixed Mindset Inventory

Take a few minutes to reflect on these questions individually. You don't need to share everything—this is for your own awareness.

In what areas of my life have I concluded I "can't"? (Examples: conflict conversations, finances, leadership, parenting, health, creativity, learning new skills)

Write 2-3 areas:

What stories or experiences led me to believe this about myself?

What might become possible if I believed I could learn in these areas?

Exercise 2: Judge or Coach?

Think of a recent situation where you fell short of a goal, made a mistake, or didn't perform the way you wanted.

Describe what happened (briefly):

What was your internal response? What did you say to yourself?

Was that voice more like a judge (condemning, harsh, final) or a coach (firm but helpful, forward-looking)?

If a coach were talking to you about this same situation, what might they say instead?

Exercise 3: The "Yet" Reframe

Write one statement you believe about yourself that feels fixed and limiting.

"I can't ________________________________."

Now rewrite it with "yet":

"I can't ________________________________ yet."

What's one small step you could take toward learning in this area?

Real-Life Scenarios

Scenario 1: The Career Ceiling

Marcus has been in the same role at his company for five years. He's been passed over for promotion twice, and he's concluded that leadership "just isn't for him." When a mentor suggests he take a management course, Marcus says, "That's not going to help. Some people are natural leaders—I'm not one of them." His mentor notices Marcus avoids any situation where his leadership abilities might be tested or evaluated.

Discussion Questions:

• What fixed-mindset beliefs do you hear in Marcus's response?
• How might a growth mindset change how Marcus approaches this situation?
• What might Marcus be protecting himself from by avoiding leadership challenges?

Scenario 2: The Hard Conversation

Elena has been avoiding a difficult conversation with her sister for over a year. Every time she thinks about bringing up the issue, she tells herself, "I'm terrible at conflict. It'll just make things worse. I'll say the wrong thing." So she stays silent, and the resentment grows. She watches a friend navigate a similar conversation well and thinks, "I could never do that. She's just better with words than I am."

Discussion Questions:

• What would it look like for Elena to approach this situation with a growth mindset?
• How is her fixed mindset protecting her—and also hurting her?
• What might Elena learn from her friend instead of just comparing herself?

Scenario 3: Starting Over at Fifty

David, at 52, has always wanted to learn to play guitar. He tried once in his twenties and gave up after a few months because it was "too hard" and his fingers "just didn't work that way." Now his grandson is learning, and David feels a pull to try again. But his internal voice says: "You're too old. You already proved you can't do this. Why embarrass yourself?"

Discussion Questions:

• What would a growth mindset say to David in this moment?
• How might the 40% rule apply to David's earlier attempt to learn?
• What would it mean for David to let his goal (learning guitar) become a coach instead of a judge?

Practice Assignments

These aren't homework—they're experiments. Try one or both and notice what happens.

Experiment 1: Catch the Fixed Mindset

This week, pay attention to your internal dialogue. When you notice yourself thinking "I can't," "I'm not good at this," or "I'll never be able to," pause and write it down (in your phone, a notebook, wherever).

At the end of the week, look at your list. What patterns do you notice? Are there certain areas where fixed thinking dominates?

You don't have to change anything yet. Just notice.

Experiment 2: Curiosity Instead of Comparison

Identify one person this week who is succeeding at something you'd like to do better. Instead of comparing yourself to them (and feeling either threatened or inadequate), approach them with genuine curiosity.

Ask them: "How did you learn to do that?" or "What's helped you get better at this?"

Notice how it feels to approach someone's success as an opportunity to learn rather than a judgment on yourself.

Closing Reflection

Growth mindset isn't about pretending you can do everything or denying your real struggles. It's about staying honest about where you are while staying open to where you can go.

You may not be able to do it today. But you can learn. And learning changes everything.

The gap between where you are and where you want to be isn't closed by having the right talent or waiting for the right circumstances. It's closed by believing change is possible—and then doing the work, one step at a time.

You are not stuck.

Optional Closing Moment

If it fits your group, take a moment of silence to reflect on one area where you've been operating with a fixed mindset. What would it mean to believe that growth is possible there?

[Leader: You may close with a brief prayer or simply invite members to carry this reflection into their week.]