Getting Through a Difficult Season

Small Group Workbook

Session Overview

What This Session Covers: This session explores how to navigate difficult seasons intentionally rather than reactively. We'll examine the core formula (stress vs. capacity), learn practical strategies for building resilience, and support each other in applying these principles to our own situations.

Session Goals:

1. Understand the relationship between stress levels and personal capacity
2. Identify specific ways to build capacity during hard times
3. Audit our support systems and identify gaps
4. Clarify what we can and cannot control
5. Support each other in creating practical plans for our current or upcoming seasons

Note to Participants: You don't need to be in a crisis to benefit from this session. Some of you may be in the middle of something hard right now. Others may be between seasons. Still others may see difficulty on the horizon. Wherever you are, the principles apply — and the best time to build capacity is before you need it.

Teaching Summary

The Core Formula

When difficulty comes, stress goes up. That stress acts on our system — like an earthquake shaking a building. Some buildings fall; some stand. The difference isn't the earthquake; it's how the building was designed.

The formula is simple: How high is the stress to you, and how ready are you to go through it?

We can't always reduce the stress. The illness is what it is. The financial situation is what it is. But we can always work on our capacity. That's where our power lies.

Building Capacity: Key Elements

1. Community Is Your Foundation The strongest antidote to difficulty is not willpower — it's connection. Isolated people break down faster. The research on resilience consistently shows that strong support systems make the critical difference.

Think of your support system in concentric circles:

• Innermost circle: Your 1-3 closest people who will go through this with you
• Middle circle: A smaller group — a couples group, close friends, a support group
• Outer circle: Your broader network of resources and relationships

These people need to bring something to the party: care, empathy, practical help. Not just bodies floating around, but people who make you stronger than you'd be alone.

2. Structure Creates Reliability Support can't happen "on the fly." It needs time and place. Regular coffee meetings. Weekly check-ins. A group that meets consistently. Structure isn't rigid — it's reliable. When things get chaotic, structure holds.

3. Recreation Prevents Collapse You cannot be on energy drain all the time. Hospice nurses work in shifts because no one can do 24/7 care. Neither can you. Built-in rest, time off, and refueling aren't luxuries — they're requirements.

4. Room to Fail Is Part of the Plan You will get things wrong. The doctor won't work out. The decision will backfire. You'll lose your composure. If you interpret every setback as catastrophe, you won't survive. Expect misfires. Adapt quickly. Stay in the game.

5. Quick Feedback Loops Prevent Pattern Problems When something isn't working, you need to know fast and adjust fast. Don't let a problem become a pattern. Build in regular check-ins and accountability so you can course-correct.

6. Decision Rights Bring Clarity Who makes which decisions? Who advises? Who needs to be informed? Without clarity, everyone has an opinion and chaos follows. Define these categories:

• Who makes the call?
• Who do we want advice from?
• Who just needs to know?
• Who do we NOT want weighing in?

7. Pruning Protects Resources A nation going to war cuts back everything else. You can't maintain normal life during a difficult season. Some things must be paused — committees, classes, commitments, optional activities. They'll come back. Right now, protect your resources.

8. Focus on What You Can Control Make two lists: what you cannot control and what you can. Worry about the first list briefly, then surrender it. Spend your energy on the second list — that's where your effort matters.

9. Know Your Energizers and Drainers Some people and activities fuel you. Others drain you. During a difficult season, you need to be strategic: maximize the energizers, minimize the drainers. Build a wall around yourself if necessary.

10. Reframe Without Denying Sometimes we can look at a difficult situation and, without denying the pain, also see what good is emerging. Relationships deepening. Lessons learned. New opportunities. This isn't toxic positivity — it's wisdom. Both things can be true.

11. Know Your Why Why are you persevering? What's the higher purpose? Why are you in this fight? When the "what" gets unbearable, the "why" keeps you going.

12. Remember the Narrative This is a season — a scene in a longer movie. It's not the whole story. You've been through hard things before and made it. You'll make it through this. In that scene, you get to be the screenwriter. What will that character do?

Discussion Questions

Work through these questions as a group. Not everyone needs to answer every question — share as you're comfortable.

Opening Questions

1. Without going into details, how would you describe the season you're currently in — calm, challenging, or crisis? [Leader: Allow brief answers. This helps everyone understand where people are coming from.]

2. Think of a difficult season you've been through in the past. What helped you make it through? What made it harder?

The Core Formula

3. Dr. Cloud describes the formula as "stress level vs. capacity." When you think about your current situation, which feels more possible to change — reducing the stress or building your capacity? Why?

4. What does it look like when someone tries to go through a difficult season the same way they go through a normal one? What usually happens?

Support Systems

5. If you drew your support system as concentric circles (closest people in the center, broader network on the outside), what would it look like? Where are the gaps? [Leader: This can feel vulnerable. Let people share at their own comfort level.]

6. What makes someone a helpful presence during hard times versus an unhelpful one? What's the difference between support that strengthens you and "support" that drains you?

Structure and Boundaries

7. Dr. Cloud emphasizes that support needs structure — regular times, consistent check-ins. How does your current support system have (or lack) structure? What might need to change?

8. The concept of "decision rights" asks: Who makes decisions? Who advises? Who needs to be informed? Who should NOT be weighing in? Think about a current or recent difficult situation — how clear were the decision rights? How did clarity (or lack of it) affect things?

Self-Care and Limits

9. Why do you think so many people feel guilty about rest or self-care during difficult seasons? What messages have you received about "pushing through"?

10. What would need to be pruned from your life if a major difficulty hit tomorrow? What commitments, activities, or obligations would have to go? [Leader: This question helps people think preventatively, not just reactively.]

Mindset and Meaning

11. Dr. Cloud talks about reframing — looking at difficulty and seeing what good might also be emerging, without denying the pain. Where have you seen this work? Where have you seen it misused as toxic positivity?

12. What's your "why" right now? If you're in a difficult season, what's the higher purpose that keeps you going? If you're not, what purpose would sustain you if difficulty came?

Personal Reflection Exercises

Take 5-7 minutes to work through these individually. You'll have a chance to share insights with the group afterward.

Exercise 1: Support System Audit

Draw three concentric circles. Label them:

• Inner circle: Your 1-3 closest people
• Middle circle: Your close community (small group, trusted friends)
• Outer circle: Your broader support network

Fill in names. Then consider:

• Who's missing from where they should be?
• Is anyone in a circle who probably shouldn't be there?
• What specific need do you have that no one in your circles currently fills?

Exercise 2: Control Sort

Draw two columns: "Can't Control" and "Can Control."

Think about a current challenge or concern (it doesn't have to be a major crisis). Sort the elements:

Now circle ONE item in the "Can Control" column you could act on this week.

Exercise 3: Energy Audit

List 3-5 things or people that energize you during hard times:

List 3-5 things or people that drain you during hard times:

What's one way you could increase an energizer or decrease a drainer this week?

Real-Life Scenarios

Read each scenario together and discuss the questions that follow.

Scenario 1: The Long Caregiving Season

Marcus's mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's two years ago. As the closest family member geographically, he's become her primary caregiver. He still works full-time. His wife is supportive but exhausted by the strain it's putting on their marriage. Marcus hasn't been to his men's small group in six months. He feels guilty when he's at work (he should be with Mom), guilty when he's with Mom (he should be with his family), and guilty when he's with his family (he should be resting). He's gained weight, stopped exercising, and snaps at his kids. His brother calls occasionally to "check in" but lives far away and always has advice about what Marcus should be doing differently.

Discussion Questions:

• What's working and what's not working in Marcus's current approach?
• How would you apply the concept of "decision rights" to Marcus's situation?
• What would it look like for Marcus to "prune" and build in recreation — and what would he need to believe to give himself permission?

Scenario 2: The Sudden Job Loss

Jennifer was laid off three months ago when her company restructured. At first, she was optimistic — she has good experience, and she'd get something quickly. Now, three months in, the job search is much harder than expected. Savings are dwindling. She finds herself saying yes to everything at church (since she has "time now"), but then resenting it. She hasn't told most people about the layoff because she's embarrassed. Her husband is supportive but starting to get anxious about finances, which makes her anxious. She spends hours every day scrolling job boards, feeling worse with each rejection.

Discussion Questions:

• What would a support system audit reveal about Jennifer's situation?
• How might the "controllables vs. uncontrollables" exercise help her?
• What well-meaning things might people say to Jennifer that wouldn't actually be helpful? What would be helpful?

Scenario 3: The Family Crisis

David and Sarah's 17-year-old son was just arrested for drug possession. They had no idea he was using. Now they're navigating the legal system, looking for treatment options, and trying to figure out what went wrong. Their church community knows something happened, but they've been vague about the details. Extended family keeps calling. Their other two kids are scared and acting out. David wants to handle this privately; Sarah wants to ask for help but doesn't know who to trust. They're fighting more than they're talking. Neither has slept well in weeks.

Discussion Questions:

• How might David and Sarah's different approaches to getting help be affecting them?
• What would "decision rights" look like for this family?
• How could this couple find appropriate support without exposing their son's situation to everyone?

Practice Assignments

Choose one or two of these experiments for the coming week.

Option A: Schedule Your Support

Reach out to one person in your inner or middle circle and schedule a regular check-in. Not "let's get together sometime" but an actual recurring appointment — even if it's just a 15-minute phone call every other week.

Option B: Make Your Lists

Create your "Can't Control / Can Control" lists for a current challenge. Spend 10 minutes worrying about the first list (set a timer). When the timer goes off, consciously release those items. Then identify one action item from the second list and do it.

Option C: Prune One Thing

Identify one commitment, activity, or obligation that's draining more than it's giving right now. Say no to it — at least for this season. Notice how it feels.

Option D: Identify Your Decision Rights

For a current situation or decision, write down: (1) Who makes the call? (2) Who do I want advice from? (3) Who needs to be informed? (4) Who am I not going to discuss this with? Try operating by that framework this week.

Closing Reflection

Life comes with difficult seasons. That's not a failure — it's just reality.

But how we go through those seasons is not predetermined. We have more agency than we often exercise. We can build the structure, gather the people, protect our resources, focus our energy, and remember our purpose.

You are not alone. This group is part of your concentric circles now. The person sitting next to you has faced hard things too — or will. We're designed to carry each other's burdens, not to white-knuckle our way through alone.

This is a season. It's one scene in a longer story. And in that scene, you get to decide what kind of character you'll be — not a character who never struggles, but one who struggles well.

What will you write into your script this week?

Closing Prayer (Optional)

God, we know that hard times come for everyone. We don't ask to be spared from difficulty — we ask to be equipped for it. Give us the wisdom to build the capacity we need. Give us the humility to ask for help. Give us the courage to set boundaries. Help us focus on what we can do and surrender what we can't. Remind us that this season, however hard, is not the whole story. Amen.