Building a Strong Family

Small Group Workbook

Session Overview and Goals

This session explores how to build intentional family structure through five foundational practices: vision, values, family meetings, family dinners, and prioritizing "big rocks." The goal is not to add burden to already-busy families, but to help parents identify simple, sustainable practices that create genuine connection and belonging.

Session Goals

1. Understand why intentional family structure matters—and what happens without it
2. Learn the five practices that build family cohesion
3. Identify one or two practices to implement or strengthen in your own family
4. Gain ideas and encouragement from other parents in the group

Teaching Summary

The Problem: Drift

Every family has patterns and rhythms, whether intentional or not. Without purposeful structure, most families drift toward chaos, disconnection, and reactivity. Schedules get packed with activities. Meals happen in passing. Conversations stay shallow. And slowly, family members become strangers living under the same roof.

The antidote isn't more rules or rigid schedules. It's intentionality—deciding what kind of family you want to be and creating simple structures that move you toward that vision.

The Framework: Five Practices

Dr. Cloud identifies five practices that build strong, connected families:

1. Family Vision

A vision is a desired future state—what you want your family to look like one year, five years, or ten years from now. It might include things like: "We want to be a close-knit family that supports each other," or "We want to make a difference in our community together," or "We want everyone to thrive individually while being part of something bigger."

Creating a family vision involves getting everyone together and asking: What do we want this family to be? What do we want to look back and say about our time together?

A clear vision does two things: it organizes activities that build toward that future, and it helps filter out things that would undermine it.

2. Family Values (with Behaviors)

Values are what matters most to your family. But values only become real when they're expressed in specific behaviors.

For example, if your family values "love and support," what does that look like in practice? Maybe it means:

• We listen to each other
• We share rather than hoard
• We show kindness when someone's hurting
• We look out for whoever's having a hard time

The key is specificity. When a value is tied to concrete behaviors, the family has something to measure against. When someone isn't listening, you can say, "Hey, one of our values is listening to each other. Let's try again."

3. Family Meetings

Think of your family like a team. Teams need regular check-ins to stay aligned and address issues before they become crises.

A simple weekly family meeting might include:

• Check-in: How is everyone doing? What's going on in your world?
• Affirmations: What is this person doing well? What do we appreciate about them?
• Feedback: What could this person do better? (Yes, including parents receiving feedback from kids.)
• Needs: What do you need from me this week? How can I help?
• Goals: What are you working on or hoping to accomplish?

These meetings don't need to be long—30 minutes can work. The point is consistent connection and open communication.

4. Family Dinners

Research consistently shows that families who eat dinner together—even just a few times per week—have children with better outcomes in virtually every measurable area: lower rates of substance abuse, better mental health, stronger academic performance, and more.

The key ingredients:

• Everyone present and engaged
• No phones or screens at the table
• Some kind of connecting ritual (like "roses and thorns"—each person shares their best moment and hardest moment of the day)

Family dinner doesn't need to be elaborate. It just needs to be consistent, present, and connecting.

5. Big Rocks First

In scheduling, whatever goes in first gets protected. If you wait until the calendar is full to schedule family time, it won't happen. Family vacations, dinners, meetings, and traditions need to go into the calendar before everything else—these are your "big rocks."

This applies to money as well as time. If family priorities aren't budgeted, they'll get whatever's left over (which is usually nothing).

The Payoff: Cohesion

What holds a group together? According to Dr. Cloud, two factors:

1. Individual members' need for the group. When family members feel like they get something from the family—support, connection, belonging, fun—they want to be there. Build that need by meeting needs.

2. Clear expectations. When everyone knows what to expect (the check-in, the feedback, the rituals), there's security and safety. Predictable structure builds cohesion.

The goal is a family where people genuinely want to be—where connection is experienced, not just assumed.

Discussion Questions

1. When you think about your family growing up, what gave it structure (or what was missing)? How has that shaped your approach to your own family?

2. On a scale of 1-10, how intentional would you say your current family rhythms are? What's one word that describes the current "culture" of your family?

3. What resonated most with you from the five practices? Which one does your family already do well? Which one feels most needed?

4. Dr. Cloud says most families don't drift into health—they drift into chaos. Where do you notice "drift" in your family life? [Facilitator note: This is a vulnerable question. Model openness if needed.]

5. What gets in the way of family connection in your household? What competes for time and attention?

6. How do you think your kids would respond if you asked them, "What kind of family do you want us to be?" Have you ever asked?

7. What's one family value you'd want to identify and attach specific behaviors to? What would those behaviors look like?

8. How comfortable is your family with giving and receiving honest feedback? What would make that easier?

9. What does family dinner look like at your house right now? What's one small change that might make it more connecting?

10. When you think about scheduling "big rocks first," what comes to mind? What tends to push family priorities off the calendar?

11. What's one thing you want to try from this conversation? What might get in the way, and how could you address that?

12. How can this group support each other in building stronger family practices? [Facilitator note: Consider forming accountability pairs or a group text for encouragement.]

Personal Reflection Exercises

Exercise 1: Family Culture Audit

Take a few minutes to honestly assess your current family culture. Rate each area from 1 (rarely/never) to 5 (consistently/often):

Reflection: Looking at your ratings, what's one strength to celebrate? What's one area that needs attention?

Exercise 2: Vision Starter

Complete these sentences as a starting point for a family vision conversation:

"I want our family to be known for..."

"In five years, I hope our kids would say our family was..."

"One thing I want us to do together that we don't do now is..."

"The feeling I want people to have when they're in our home is..."

Exercise 3: Values and Behaviors Brainstorm

Identify one value that matters to your family (or that you want to matter more). Then list 2-3 specific behaviors that would express that value.

Value: _______________

Behaviors that express this value: 1. 2. 3.

Real-Life Scenarios

Scenario 1: The Overscheduled Family

Marcus and Dana have three kids: a high schooler, a middle schooler, and a third grader. Between sports, music lessons, church activities, and both parents' demanding jobs, they rarely eat dinner together. When they do, everyone's exhausted and distracted. Marcus mentions wanting to start family meetings, and the teenagers roll their eyes. Dana feels guilty but doesn't know what to cut from the schedule.

Discussion Questions:

• What would you say to Marcus and Dana about where to start?
• How might they approach the teenagers' resistance?
• What's one "big rock" they could put in the calendar first?

Scenario 2: The Single Parent Scramble

Keisha is a single mom with two elementary-age kids. She works full-time and handles everything at home alone. The idea of adding family meetings or structured dinners feels overwhelming—she's barely keeping up as it is. But she notices her kids are always on screens, and they don't really talk about anything meaningful anymore.

Discussion Questions:

• How could these practices be adapted for a single-parent household?
• What's one small, sustainable step Keisha could take?
• What does "good enough" look like when resources are limited?

Scenario 3: Starting Fresh After a Hard Season

The Johnsons went through a painful two years: job loss, a cross-country move, and extended family conflict. Now that things have stabilized, they realize their family has no real rhythms or structure. The kids (ages 10 and 13) seem disconnected from each other and from the parents. They want to "reset" but aren't sure where to begin.

Discussion Questions:

• What's one practice that might help this family rebuild connection?
• How might they approach the conversation with their kids about wanting a fresh start?
• What should they be careful about as they try to establish new patterns?

Practice Assignments

These are experiments, not homework. Try one and notice what happens.

Option A: The Roses and Thorns Experiment

At one meal this week (it doesn't have to be dinner), try the "roses and thorns" practice. Each person shares:

• Rose: What was the best part of your day?
• Thorn: What was the hardest part of your day?

No phones at the table. Notice what happens when everyone shares.

Observation prompt: What did you learn about your family members that you didn't know before? What was it like to share your own rose and thorn?

Option B: The Vision Conversation

Set aside 20-30 minutes this week to have a vision conversation with your family (or spouse/partner if kids are young). Ask: "What kind of family do we want to be? What do we want to be known for?"

Don't worry about getting it "right." Just start the conversation and see what emerges.

Observation prompt: What surprised you about what family members said? What common themes emerged?

Option C: The Calendar Audit

Look at your calendar for the next month. Highlight everything that's a "big rock"—a genuine family priority. Then look at what's taking up the rest of the space.

Ask yourself: Does our schedule reflect what we say matters most?

Observation prompt: What did you notice? Is there one thing you could move or remove to make room for family priority?

Closing Reflection

Building a strong family isn't about perfection or having it all figured out. It's about direction—deciding that this family is worth being intentional about and taking one step at a time.

You don't have to implement all five practices this week. Pick one. Try it. See what happens. Then build from there.

The research is encouraging: even small, consistent investments in family connection make a measurable difference. A few dinners together. A simple check-in. Knowing where everyone is and what they need. Over time, these simple practices create the kind of family where people actually want to be.

What's one thing you're going to try? Who in this group will you tell, so they can ask you about it next time?

A moment of silence or brief prayer may be appropriate here, depending on your group's practice. If praying, consider thanking God for the gift of family, asking for wisdom and patience in building connection, and expressing hope for what your families can become.