Boundaries at Work: Leader-Only Facilitation Notes

Key Topic: Taking Ownership of Your Work Environment Through Strategic Boundaries Related Topics: Emotional climate, attention and focus, role clarity, leadership, team culture Audience: Small group leaders, pastors, ministry leaders, facilitators Use Case: Leader preparation before facilitating the workbook session Difficulty Level: Leader-only Tags: boundaries, work, workplace, leadership, facilitation, group-dynamics, leader-prep Source: Boundaries at Work (Dr. Henry Cloud video transcript)

Purpose of This Resource

This session helps participants take ownership of their work environment by implementing three key boundaries: emotional climate, attention/focus, and role clarity. The goal is for participants to move from feeling like victims of their work environment to recognizing their agency within it.

Success in this session looks like:

• Participants honestly assessing what they've been creating or allowing at work
• At least 2-3 people identifying a specific next step they'll take
• A tone of empowerment without minimizing real workplace challenges
• Avoiding the trap of work becoming a complaint session

This is NOT a therapy session or career counseling. If participants surface significant issues about toxic workplaces, abusive bosses, or job dissatisfaction, acknowledge them briefly and redirect to the session content. Deep career discernment needs a different context.

Group Dynamics to Watch For

Complaint Spiraling

What it looks like: One person shares a frustration about work, and others pile on. The conversation becomes a venting session about bad bosses, unfair policies, or difficult coworkers.

How to respond: Gently interrupt and redirect: "I can hear this is real frustration. For the purpose of this session, let's focus on what you can control in that situation. What would Dr. Cloud's 'ridiculously in charge' perspective suggest you do with that challenge?"

Victim Stance

What it looks like: A participant insists they have zero control — "You don't understand my workplace," "My boss makes everything impossible," "There's nothing I can do."

How to respond: Validate without agreeing: "It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation. What's one small piece of that situation — even a tiny one — where you do have some control or choice? Even how you respond internally?" If they're truly in a toxic or abusive work environment, acknowledge that sometimes the right boundary is to leave.

Over-Spiritualizing

What it looks like: Someone frames everything in hyper-spiritual terms: "I just need to pray more," "God will change my boss," "I need to have more faith."

How to respond: Affirm faith without letting it become passivity: "Prayer is important, and I wonder what it would look like to partner with God by also taking ownership of what you can control. How might faith and action work together here?"

Comparing and Competing

What it looks like: People one-up each other's work struggles: "You think that's bad? Let me tell you about MY boss..."

How to respond: Gently redirect: "It sounds like several of you are dealing with challenging situations. Let's make sure everyone has a chance to share, and let's focus on what each of us can do with our own situation rather than comparing."

Intellectualizing

What it looks like: Someone engages with the concepts abstractly without applying them personally. They talk about what "people" should do or discuss the ideas theoretically.

How to respond: Bring it back to personal application: "That's a great insight. How does that apply to your specific situation? What would that look like for you at your job?"

Self-Blame Overload

What it looks like: Someone takes the "ridiculously in charge" concept and turns it into shame: "I guess everything that's wrong at work is my fault."

How to respond: Offer correction: "That's not quite what Dr. Cloud is saying. This isn't about blame — it's about agency. You didn't cause your boss to be critical, but you can decide how to respond. There's a difference between taking ownership of what you can control and blaming yourself for what you can't."

How to Keep the Group Safe

What to Redirect

• Long stories about specific workplace conflicts (ask: "What's the boundary principle at play there?")
• Naming and criticizing specific people at length (keep focus on patterns, not people)
• Career advice requests ("Should I quit my job?") — redirect: "That's an important question for outside this session. Let's focus on the principles today."
• Political or controversial workplace topics (redirect to personal ownership)

What NOT to Force or Push

• Don't pressure people to commit to confronting their boss
• Don't push for public sharing about sensitive workplace situations
• Don't expect everyone to have "aha moments" in the session
• Don't suggest that boundaries will fix genuinely toxic workplaces — sometimes leaving is the right boundary

How to Hold Space Without Becoming a Counselor

• Use reflective listening: "It sounds like that situation has been really draining"
• Normalize without solving: "Many people feel stuck in similar ways"
• Redirect to the group: "Has anyone else experienced something like that? What did you do?"
• Point toward resources if needed: "It sounds like there might be more going on that would be worth exploring with a counselor or career coach"

Reminder: You are a facilitator, not a workplace counselor or HR advisor. Create space for reflection, guide the discussion, and trust the Holy Spirit to do the deeper work.

Common Misinterpretations to Correct

"Being 'ridiculously in charge' means I can control everything."

Correction: "Being ridiculously in charge applies to your domain — what you actually have control of. For some of us, that's a whole team. For others, it's just our own workspace and responses. The point isn't to control things outside your domain, but to steward what's inside it."

"This means I should just work harder and push through."

Correction: "This isn't about grinding harder — it's about working smarter. Protecting your attention, setting boundaries around negativity, and having role clarity can actually mean doing less of some things so you can be excellent at the things that matter."

"If my workplace is bad, it's my fault."

Correction: "There's a difference between fault and responsibility. You may not have caused the problems, but you can decide how to respond. And sometimes the most powerful response is to recognize that a situation can't be fixed and choose to leave."

"Setting boundaries at work will get me fired."

Correction: "Healthy boundaries at work are usually about how you do things, not refusing to do your job. It's having a conversation about priorities, not refusing to work. Most of the time, people who set appropriate boundaries are actually more respected, not less."

"This applies to bosses, not to regular employees."

Correction: "Everyone has a domain — even if it's just your own work and your own responses. The flight attendant Dr. Cloud mentions wasn't the CEO, but she had full control of the customer experience for those four hours. You have more influence than you think."

When to Recommend Outside Support

Signs That Someone May Need More Help

• Describing a workplace that sounds abusive or hostile (harassment, discrimination, retaliation)
• Extreme emotional reactions (crying, visible distress, anger) that don't resolve
• Describing physical symptoms related to work stress (insomnia, illness, panic attacks)
• Expressing hopelessness about ever improving their situation
• Mentioning financial pressures that make them feel trapped

How to Have That Conversation

Gently and privately (after the session): "I noticed this topic brought up a lot for you. It sounds like your work situation is really affecting you. Have you thought about talking to a counselor or career coach about this? Sometimes getting an outside perspective can really help."

For potentially hostile work environments: "What you're describing sounds pretty serious. That kind of situation might benefit from talking to someone who specializes in workplace issues — maybe an HR professional, a lawyer, or a counselor. It's beyond what we can work through in a group like this."

Normalizing language: "It's not weakness to get help for something this significant. A good counselor or coach can help you think through options you might not have considered."

Timing and Pacing Guidance

Suggested Time Allocation (90-minute session)

If You're Short on Time (60 minutes)

• Briefly summarize teaching (5 min) rather than reading in full
• Use only questions 1, 3, 6, and 12 for discussion
• Skip scenarios or use one as an illustration while teaching
• Do reflection exercise as homework

Where Conversation Might Get Stuck

• Discussion of negative emotional climates — People may want to share stories. Allow some sharing, then redirect: "What could you do about that?"
• The multitasking discussion — Some may defend their multitasking. Don't argue; invite experimentation: "Try single-tasking for a week and see what you notice."
• Role clarity — This can surface frustration about unclear job descriptions or inconsistent management. Acknowledge and move forward: "Clarity often has to be created, not just given. What conversations might you need to initiate?"

Leader Encouragement

This topic is more practical than some others you'll facilitate — less likely to surface deep emotional pain, but still important. People spend a third of their lives at work. Helping them take ownership of that domain is a gift.

You don't need to have a perfect work life to lead this session. In fact, your own struggles with work boundaries may make you more relatable. Share briefly from your own experience if it helps — but keep the focus on the group members.

The most important thing you can do is help people move from passive frustration ("things are bad at my job") to active ownership ("here's what I can do about it"). Sometimes that's a big shift. Don't be discouraged if people leave with more questions than answers — clarity often comes later.

Trust the process. Creating space for honest reflection about work is valuable even when the outcomes aren't visible in the session.

And take care of yourself. If you're facilitating discussions about work boundaries while ignoring your own, that's worth noticing. This material is for you too.