Boundaries at Work

Exercises & Practices

Is This Me?

These questions aren't a test. Just notice your internal response — a tightness in your chest, a flash of recognition, a defensive "but that's different." Those reactions are data.

• I know things aren't right at work — the negativity, the chaos, the unclear expectations — but I've convinced myself there's nothing I can do about it. I've become a spectator in my own job.

• When someone at work is rude, dismissive, or inappropriate, I don't say anything. I tell myself I'm "keeping the peace," but honestly, I'm just afraid of what will happen if I push back.

• I multitask constantly — emails during meetings, texts during focused work, notifications always on — and I tell myself this is just how modern work is. But nothing gets my full attention, and I'm exhausted by the end of every day.

• I say yes to everything. New projects, extra shifts, other people's problems. I don't know how to say no without feeling guilty, so I just absorb more until I'm overwhelmed and resentful.

• My job has quietly taken over my entire life. I've stopped exercising, seeing friends, or doing the things that used to give me energy. Work has filled every available hour, and I let it happen.

• If I'm honest, I don't actually know what I'm responsible for at work. My role is vague, my priorities shift constantly, and I spend more time reacting than producing anything meaningful.

• I have a difficult conversation I've been avoiding for weeks — maybe months. I know what I need to say, but every time I imagine saying it, the anxiety wins.

• I rewrite emails multiple times to make sure they won't upset anyone. I rehearse conversations in my head but never have them. I'd rather be uncomfortable privately than risk someone being upset with me publicly.

Questions Worth Sitting With

These don't have quick answers. Let them work on you over days, not minutes.

• Is my boundary problem at work actually a work problem — or does it show up in the rest of my life too? Do I struggle to say no to friends, to family, to my spouse? If it's everywhere, the issue isn't my job. It's a pattern.

• Where did I first learn that standing up for myself was risky? Was there a parent, a teacher, a coach, or an early boss who taught me that having an opinion meant getting hurt? How old was I when I learned that lesson — and is the person I'm afraid of now really them?

• What am I NOT doing because work has consumed everything? Am I neglecting my health, my relationships, my development as a person? If I roll the clock forward a year and nothing changes, what will that cost me?

• If I knew I could find another job within a month, would I have the conversations I've been avoiding? What does that tell me about whether fear — not wisdom — is running my decisions?

• What is the one thing at work that I've been allowing to continue — the negativity I haven't addressed, the chaos I haven't organized, the unclear role I haven't defined — that I actually have the power to change?

• When I imagine setting a boundary at work and the other person being upset about it, what's the worst thing I picture happening? Is that realistic? And even if it happened — would I survive it?

• What would "ridiculously in charge" look like in my domain — not controlling everything, but fully stewarding what's mine?

• Jesus said "woe to you when all people speak well of you." How can I have everyone happy with me without being duplicitous, without never standing up for anything, without never having an opinion? Is that really the life I want?

Growth Practices

Pick one. Try it this week. Notice what happens.

Week 1: Notice. This week, pay attention to every moment at work where you feel the impulse to speak up but don't. Don't change anything — just notice. Keep a running log on your phone or a sticky note: what happened, who was involved, what you felt in your body, and what you told yourself about why you didn't act. At the end of the week, look at the log. What patterns do you see?

Week 2: Try. Pick one low-stakes situation where you would normally stay silent and say what you actually think. Not the hardest conversation — something manageable. State your preference before asking others what they want. Disagree with a small point in a meeting. Say "I can't take that on right now" to one extra request. Notice: what was the actual reaction, versus what you predicted?

Week 3: Stretch. Have one conversation you've been avoiding. Before you do, say to yourself: "Come on, anxiety — we're going to go do this, and it's going to be uncomfortable, and we're doing it anyway." Don't wait for the fear to go away. Take it with you. Afterward, record what happened. How did the other person actually respond? How do you feel now compared to how you felt while avoiding it?

Week 4: Protect. Implement one structural boundary around your attention or time. Block two hours of focused work on your calendar and protect them — no email, no Slack, no interruptions. Or identify the non-work thing that's been crowded out (exercise, a regular dinner with friends, a hobby) and put it on your calendar as non-negotiable. Notice what it costs you to protect it — and what it gives you.

Week 5: Sustain. Look back at the previous four weeks. Which practice felt most uncomfortable? That's probably the one you most need. Which one made the biggest difference? Build that into your ongoing rhythm. Share what you've learned with one trusted person.

Scenario Cards

Scenario 1: The Negative Coworker Marcus works on a team of six. Five of them get along well and work collaboratively. But one team member, Rachel, is chronically negative — she complains about leadership, criticizes others' work in meetings, and sighs loudly when given assignments. The team has started avoiding her, but the negative energy is affecting everyone. Their manager seems oblivious or unwilling to address it. Marcus has been tolerating this for months.

What would you do in Marcus's position? What is he allowing to exist by not addressing it? What's the difference between confronting Rachel and setting a boundary around the team's emotional climate?

Scenario 2: The Avoidant Boss Beth's boss has been ignoring her requests for a conversation about her work arrangement and compensation. She's sent two emails — both unanswered. She knows what she wants to say, but his avoidance is making her question whether it's even worth pushing. She needs this job but doesn't want to be working here in a year. She's been telling herself she'll bring it up "when the timing is right."

What's Beth actually afraid of? What's the cost of continuing to wait? How would she approach this differently if she had three other job offers in hand — and what does that tell her about the role of fear in her decision-making?

Scenario 3: Everything Is Urgent Priya is a project manager who receives about 200 emails a day. Her boss marks nearly everything as urgent and expects immediate responses. She feels like she's always behind, always reactive, never able to do deep work on the projects that actually matter. She's starting to wonder if she's bad at her job. She hasn't had a block of focused, uninterrupted work time in months.

Is Priya bad at her job, or is she operating without an attention boundary? What conversation does she need to have — and with whom? What would she need to say no to in order to protect her focus on what actually drives results?

Journaling & Reflection

Looking Back

• Think about the authority figures in your early life — parents, teachers, coaches, early bosses. Which ones taught you that standing up for yourself was safe? Which ones taught you it was dangerous? How old were you when you learned those lessons?

• Write about a time you took ownership of something at work and it made a difference. What did you do? What gave you the courage? What happened as a result?

Looking Inward

• What is the emotional climate of your current work environment? If you had to describe it in three words, what would they be? How much of that climate are you contributing to — positively or negatively?

• What conversation are you avoiding right now? Write down exactly what you would say if you knew the other person would respond well. Now write down what you're actually afraid they'll say. How realistic is that fear?

Looking Forward

• Describe your ideal workday — not a fantasy where you don't work, but a realistic vision of what a good, focused, life-giving day of work would look like. What's different from your current reality? What would it take to move toward that vision?

• Write a letter to yourself from one year in the future — a version of you who has learned to set boundaries at work. What did you change? What did it cost you? What did it give you? What do you wish you'd started sooner?