Boundaries and Money: Small Group Workbook

Session Overview and Goals

This session explores how the principles of boundaries apply to finances. Rather than seeing budgeting as restriction, we'll learn to see it as a tool for aligning our money with our actual values. The core insight: money has no power of its own — its power comes from what we're attached to. Managing money is really about managing priorities.

Session Goals

By the end of this session, participants will:

1. Understand how boundary principles apply to finances
2. Identify the gap between stated priorities and actual spending
3. Recognize external pressures that shape financial decisions
4. Take one practical step toward greater alignment

Time Estimate: 60-75 minutes

Teaching Summary

The Foundation: Money Is a Tool

Boundaries are about defining what you will and won't accept — when to say yes and when to say no. Managing money works exactly the same way. Every financial decision is a boundary decision: yes to this, no to that.

Dr. Cloud makes an important distinction: Money itself is just a tool. The famous verse isn't "money is the root of all evil" — it's "the love of money." Whatever power money seems to have over us actually comes from our own hearts — from our attachment to lifestyle, status, comfort, security, or approval. When we understand this, we realize that managing money is really about managing what we value.

What Budgeting Really Is

Every election cycle, politicians argue about "the budget." They're really arguing about priorities — what matters most. Your personal budget is the same. It's a declaration of what you actually value, whether or not that matches what you say you value.

Dr. Cloud quotes Dave Ramsey: "A budget tells your money where to go instead of wondering where it went." Think of yourself as a general directing troops. Your dollars are your soldiers. Without orders, they scatter randomly. With a clear mission, they work together toward your objectives.

The key insight: You don't start with the budget. You start with the vision. What do you want your life to look like in a year, five years, ten years? What are your actual priorities? The budget is the servant of that vision, not the other way around.

What Usually Goes Wrong

Most people operate reactively with money:

• Bills arrive, and they pay them
• Sales happen, and they buy things
• The month ends, and they wonder where it went

Instead of directing money toward what matters, they let external forces direct it: cultural pressure, keeping up with the Joneses, family expectations, the desire for comfort, or simple impulse. The result is chronic stress, conflict, and a life that doesn't reflect their actual values.

External Pressure vs. True Priorities

Be honest: how much of your spending is driven by external pressure?

• Ego and image
• Cultural messages about success
• Envy and comparison
• Family expectations
• The desire to fit in
• Avoiding discomfort

These can masquerade as real priorities. Before spending, the question is: Do I actually value this, or have I absorbed this from outside?

Passion vs. Distraction

Spending on things you love is legitimate. Dr. Cloud talks about always finding a way to play golf or be on a boat — things he genuinely enjoys — even when money was tight. The key was that he spent what he could afford given his other priorities.

The question isn't whether to have pleasures, but whether they're genuine passions or just distractions. Distraction spending numbs; passion spending feeds.

Seasons Change

What's appropriate to prioritize changes over time. A young family might need to prioritize education or housing. Later seasons might allow more flexibility. A season of career building requires different boundaries than a season of maintenance. Be conscious of what season you're in.

Discussion Questions

Opening Questions

1. What's your gut reaction to the word "budget"? Positive, negative, or mixed? What associations do you have with the idea of managing money?

2. Dr. Cloud says, "Money is a tool — it has no power of its own. Its power comes from what we're attached to." What is money most attached to in your heart? (Status? Security? Comfort? Freedom? Approval?)

Going Deeper

3. Think about a recent financial decision — a purchase, an expense, or a spending choice. Was it driven by your actual values and priorities, or by external pressure? How can you tell the difference?

4. Dr. Cloud talks about "telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went." In your experience, which is more typical for you — directing or reacting?

5. Where do you experience the most pressure to spend in ways that don't align with your values? (Culture? Family? Friends? Internal comparison? Social media?)

6. What's the difference between a passion and a distraction when it comes to spending? How do you know which category your spending falls into?

Application Questions

7. If someone looked only at your spending over the past month — with no other information about you — what would they conclude you value most?

8. Is there a gap between what you say matters to you and what your spending actually reflects? Where is the disconnect?

9. What's one area where you could realign your spending to better match your stated priorities?

Personal Reflection Exercises

Exercise 1: The Values-Spending Alignment Check (10 minutes)

Step 1: List your top 5 stated priorities in life (what you would say matters most to you):

Step 2: Now look at your actual spending categories over the past month (or recall them as best you can). What were your top 5 spending categories (beyond basic necessities)?

Step 3: Compare the two lists. How much overlap is there?

• What's on your values list that doesn't show up in your spending?
• What's in your spending that isn't on your values list?
• What does this tell you?

Exercise 2: External Pressure Audit

How much is each of the following influencing your financial decisions? Rate each from 1-5 (1 = not at all, 5 = significantly):

Looking at your answers:

• Which external pressures have the most influence?
• What would change if you removed the top one or two?

Exercise 3: Season Check

What season of life are you currently in? (Check all that apply)

• Building career/income
• Raising young children
• Raising teenagers
• Empty nest
• Caring for aging parents
• Preparing for retirement
• In retirement
• Major transition (job change, move, health issue)
• Rebuilding after crisis (divorce, job loss, health crisis)
• Other: _____________

Based on your season:

• What should be prioritized in this season that might not be prioritized in others?
• What could appropriately be deprioritized right now?
• Are your current financial boundaries appropriate for your actual season?

Real-Life Scenarios

Scenario 1: The Lifestyle Creep

Jason and Maria have seen their income grow significantly over the past five years. But somehow, they feel just as financially stressed as when they earned less. Every time income went up, so did expenses — a nicer car, a bigger house, more activities for the kids, better vacations. They're earning more than ever but saving nothing.

Maria recently commented, "I feel like we're on a treadmill. We have more than we ever have, but we're not actually getting ahead."

Discussion Questions:

• What's driving Jason and Maria's "lifestyle creep"?
• How might they have made different choices with the income increases?
• What would it take for them to get off the treadmill?

Scenario 2: The Budget Battle

Chris thinks they should be saving aggressively for retirement and kids' education. Amy thinks they work hard and deserve to enjoy life now — vacations, dining out, experiences. Every conversation about money turns into a conflict. Chris feels like Amy is irresponsible; Amy feels like Chris is a killjoy.

They've tried budgeting together, but it always falls apart because they can't agree on what the priorities should be.

Discussion Questions:

• Is this really about money, or about something deeper?
• How might the principles of boundaries help Chris and Amy?
• What would a productive conversation between them look like?

Scenario 3: The Guilt Spender

Rachel was raised in a family where spending money on yourself was seen as selfish. Now, even though she earns good money, she feels guilty every time she buys something for herself — whether it's clothes, a coffee, or a vacation. She's generous to a fault with others but won't invest in her own health, development, or happiness.

Her husband keeps encouraging her to spend on things she enjoys, but she can't shake the guilt.

Discussion Questions:

• Where did Rachel's beliefs about spending come from?
• How might the boundary principle of "defining what you value" help her?
• What would healthy financial self-care look like for Rachel?

Practice Assignments

This Week's Experiment

Choose ONE of the following experiments and try it before the next session:

Option A: Track and Label For one week, track every purchase and label it with the value or priority it serves. At the end of the week, review: What patterns do you see? What surprised you?

Option B: Say No to One External Pressure Identify one area where you typically spend due to external pressure rather than genuine priority. This week, don't make that purchase. Notice how it feels. Notice what you tell yourself.

Option C: Have the Money Conversation If you're married or have a financial partner, have a conversation this week about what you each most value and how your current spending reflects (or doesn't reflect) those values. Don't try to solve anything — just listen and understand.

Reflection Questions for the Week

As you go through your week, notice:

• Before making purchases, am I reacting or directing?
• What external pressures am I feeling around money?
• Does this spending serve what I actually value?

Closing Reflection

Dr. Cloud points out that money stress is one of the top sources of conflict in marriages and one of the biggest burdens people carry. But the stress usually isn't about not having enough — it's about misalignment. We're not directing our resources toward what actually matters to us.

The good news is: you can change that. Not perfectly, and not overnight, but progressively. Every intentional choice is a step toward alignment.

A budget isn't about saying no to everything. It's about saying yes to what matters most — and having the clarity and courage to let some other things go.

As we close: What's one thing you're taking away from tonight? And what's one small step you could take this week toward better alignment between your money and your values?

Optional Closing Prayer

You may use this prayer or a moment of silence:

"God, you've entrusted us with resources — not just money, but time, energy, and life itself. Help us to be wise stewards who direct what we have toward what actually matters.

Where we've been reactive, help us become intentional. Where we've been driven by external pressure, help us listen to what you value. Where we've been misaligned, give us the clarity to see it and the courage to change.

Free us from the love of money so we can use money as a tool to serve the life you've called us to. Amen."